RAR #189: What if my kids always pick screens over books? 

Speaker 1 (00:00):

Hi, Sarah.

 

Holly (00:01):

Hi Sarah. My name is Holly.

 

April (00:03):

Hi Sarah. My name is April.

 

Speaker 4 (00:04):

I'm in Melbourne, Australia.

 

Speaker 5 (00:07):

I have a question about-

 

Julianne (00:08):

My name is Julianne, and we live in India.

 

Speaker 7 (00:11):

I am wondering-

 

Crystal (00:12):

Hi Sarah. This is Crystal from Milwaukee, Wisconsin.

 

Speaker 9 (00:15):

Can you give me a suggestion for an especially fabulous book?

 

Sarah Mackenzie (00:23):

Hey, there I'm Sarah Mackenzie. This is the Read-Aloud Revival, and in this short episode, I'm answering one of your questions.

 

Claire (00:31):

Hi Sarah. This is Claire from Texas. I have a question about screens and the impact it has on your child's love of reading. How much is too much? What is your opinion on how TV or screens can actually impact your child's love of reading? Should we say no to screens? How can you balance this and keep your child still loving reading? Thank you so much, Sarah.

 

Sarah Mackenzie (01:04):

Hey, Claire. Good question. I think this is something that we're all thinking about to some degree on and off through the years. We're worried about how much screens our kids are getting, and it's hard for us to balance them, and so we're asking these questions. We know, of course, that any kind of screen use and technology use has a profound impact on our children's brains. There have been books and books written on this.

 

(01:30):

However, what I wanted to do today is not feed into our worry so much as think strategically about how we can help our kids to use technology in a healthy way without letting it take over their life. Because I know that after my kids leave my home, they're not going to have a no screen kind of life. So I would like to, as they're growing, slowly be giving them the skills that they need to be able to use technology without letting it take over their lives.

 

(01:57):

One thing that I think is helpful to think about here is something Dr. Daniel Willingham said in his book, Raising Kids Who Read. Actually, I can't remember if he said this in his book, or if he said it on the podcast episode he was on with me for, and I can't remember which number of episode that was, so we'll put it in the show notes. If you want to listen to Dr. Daniel Willingham, he is a PhD who has done some research on raising kids who turn out to be readers, and he's got a great book.

 

(02:23):

But something he said really stuck with me, and that was that if he was to set out a plate of watermelon after dinner, his kids would enjoy that as a delicious dessert. They like watermelon, they would enjoy it. But if he was also to put out a bowl of ice cream, then they would always choose the ice cream. Honestly, so would I. Let's just be honest. Especially if it's chocolate ice cream.

 

(02:47):

Basically, when we're saying you can have a screen time or you can read a book, we're basically doing that. We're putting out the watermelon, which is like the book here in this example, and screens or technology, which are like the ice cream. It's easier, always. It's always easier to do a screen of any kind, whether it's social media or just scrolling anywhere online, or answering a text message to a friend, or playing a video game, or watching a TV show. That's always going to be easier than the work that we're asking our brains to do when we're reading.

 

(03:21):

In our house, we definitely have times where watermelon is the only option. The most obvious place to do this is right before bed, so you could say, "Lights out at 8:00, but if you're reading, you can stay up til 8:30." That's an example of only putting watermelon on the table. We also do this in our house during the middle of the day for quiet reading hour, where for an hour, the only options to do are to read or to listen to an audio book, which is just another mode of reading, reading with your ears. And so my kids will oftentimes, they'll either read in their beds in their bedrooms, or they'll listen to an audio book while they're coloring or while they're playing Legos in their bedrooms, so it's a little break from everybody, from each other. But there's no other options.

 

(04:05):

The reason for this is that it takes a lot of willpower for our kids to choose reading over screens. Actually, for most adults, it takes a lot of willpower to choose reading over screens. Even for those of us who are voracious readers, who want to read a lot, right? I will find myself just defaulting to picking up my phone and scrolling Instagram before I even realize that I opened the app. How much more must that temptation be for our kids?

 

(04:35):

This is what I think of when I think of offering just watermelon, or just saying, "Here's a period of time during the day where your only option is to read." It's like when the power goes out or you go camping somewhere where there's no WiFi, and you don't have any data on your cellphone, and all of a sudden it feels kind of freeing. Right? There's no reason to look at your phone. You can't see anything on it.

 

(04:55):

When we do this for our kids, we're sort of making that decision for them. And so now they can use their willpower and they can use all of their attention and all of their mental energy toward reading, for picking something they want to read and then enjoying it, instead of always having to use up all their energy on choosing books over screens. In my house, for some of my kids, that just wouldn't happen. They wouldn't choose the book over a screen if the option was there.

 

(05:21):

That's one way of thinking about it that's helpful, and I know a lot of families who have particular hours where screens are allowed and hours where they're not. For example, you could say from two to four, whatever, you can do this anytime during your day, and it could be any amount of time. I'm not telling you how much to do. But you could say, "From two to four, you guys can be on screens and that's the time that you get to play video games or that's the time that you get to watch a show or a movie, and all the other times are screen-free." Or you could have a couple different pockets of time during the day. But just giving your kids those boundaries and making sure that they have the taste of what life should be mostly not on technology. Right? So if we can give them most of their day not on technology, and help them then use technology in small amounts that doesn't negatively impact their reading life to the degree that it would if they just sort of had lots and lots of copious amounts of time.

 

(06:18):

Then again, I think going back to that idea of try to make it so that your kids don't always have to make the choice between screens and reading. Because it's really hard to choose reading if that choice hasn't been made for you. So you can make that choice for them, and then it's like a gift. You're just giving them like an hour without WiFi out in the woods, and it's a wonderful place to be.

 

(06:38):

But, Claire, I think this is a question we're all asking, and we're all constantly circling back to. I know I am in my house. I'm constantly circling back to, "Are we using screens too often?" A lot of times I find that we've slipped into a habit of letting the kids have too much screen time, and we didn't even realize we were doing it. And so it's a reassessment. We kind of pull things back. We kind of get things back in order, a little bit more balanced, a little bit more regulated. Then we'll get in a groove, and then after a while, I'll realize, "Whoop, it creeped back up. Screen time creeped back up." Either my own, or my kids, or everybody's. Right?

 

(07:14):

This is just part of the ebb and flow, I think, of modern life and being mindful, and asking the question of, "How can I make sure my kids' reading life is not negatively impacted by their screen use?" is just a good question to constantly revisit. Not to beat ourselves up about, but just to consider as what can we do next for this next month in order to help our kids read this month? That could be a really good way of thinking about it. We're coming up on to October, so this October, what can I do to help my kids enjoy reading more and have a little bit less screen time? And then in November we can reassess that, and it might look a little different because we have different things going on, but just sort of reassessing it and getting things back into alignment with our family's values. It's always a good practice. Thanks so much for your question, Claire.

 

(08:01):

Now let's hear from some kids about the books they're loving lately.

 

Zadek (08:08):

Hi, my name is [Zadek 00:08:09], and I live in Illinois. I am seven years old, and my favorite books are Harry Potter and Story Thieves. What I like about Harry Potter is the spells. I like learning them. And what I like about Story Thieves is Bethany has the power to jump into books.

 

Eliana (08:34):

Hi, my name is [Eliana 00:08:35], and I'm seven years old. I live in Florida, and one of my favorite books is called Pippi Longstocking. I like it because Pippi is always so funny at all times.

 

Rory Tanner (08:47):

Hi, my name is Rory Tanner, and I'm 11 years old and I live in Stettler, Alberta, Canada. My favorite book is Dear Mr. Henshaw by Beverly Cleary, because I can relate to the book, and it is very interesting, and one of the main characters loves to write, and so do I.

 

Sarah Mackenzie (09:09):

Thanks for listening. If you've got a question for an upcoming episode, leave me a voicemail at ReadAloudRevival.com/Message. Until next time, go make meaningful and lasting connections with your kids through books.

 

(09:30):

So many of us feel overwhelmed in our homeschool. There's a lot to do, and it feels like every child needs something a little different. The good news is, you are the best person on the planet to help your kids learn and grow, and home is the best place to fall in love with books.

 

(09:56):

I'm Sarah McKenzie. I'm a homeschooling mother of six, the author of Teaching from Rest and the Read- Aloud family, and I'm the host here on the Read-Aloud Revival podcast. This podcast has been downloaded over 8 million times, and, you know, I think it's because so many of us want the same things. We want our kids to be readers, to love reading. We want our homes to be warm and happy havens of learning and connection. We know that raising our kids is the most important work of our lives. That's kind of overwhelming, right? You are not alone. In Read-Aloud Revival Premium, we offer family book clubs, a vibrant community, and Circle with Sarah, coaching for you, the homeschooling mom, so you can teach from rest, homeschool with confidence and raise kids who love to read.

 

(10:58):

Our family book clubs are a game changer for your kids' relationship with books. We provide you with a Family Book Club guide and an opportunity for your kids to meet the author or illustrator live on screen, so all you have to do is get the book, read it with your kids and make those meaningful and lasting connections. They work for all ages, from your youngest kids to your teens.

 

(11:26):

Every month our community also gathers online for a Circle with Sarah to get ideas and encouragement around creating the homeschooling life you crave. They're the most effective way I know to teach from rest and build a homeschool life you love. We want to help your kids fall in love with books, and we want to help you fall in love with homeschooling. Join us today at RARPremium.com.