Sometimes, I Feel Like Quitting
Quitting homeschool, that is. And I thought I should tell you that. So often, we homeschoolers make this journey sound like its all roses, all the time. We have a tendency to talk up the benefits of homeschooling constantly.
After all, there are many : improved academic opportunity, better socialization, increased family time, the ability to weave our values all throughout the curriculum…the list goes on (and on).
The problem
We talk up homeschooling because we like to talk about it, but we also do it because we are constantly defending our choice to educate at home. At least I know I am.
Well-meaning family, friends, and random passersby ask questions, make comments, wonder why we are crazy enough to take on this whole education thing, when a decent (more than decent- the elementary school in my neighborhood is fabulous!) public school is at our disposal.
Any apparent deficiency of my child’s is immediately blamed on homeschooling. My 7-year-old doesn’t read fluently. Maybe it’s because we homeschool. My 9-year-old throws fits when her handwriting isn’t perfect. Maybe it’s because we homeschool. My 5-year-old has the attention span of a flea. Maybe it’s because we homeschool.
Yeah… I’m worried about that
Far be it from me to admit to any one of these naysayers that sometimes I have these doubts myself.
I believe in home education because I see incredible value in the child living and learning in the context of family life. Because I want sibling relationships to be stronger than peer influence. Because I want my child to love learning, long after graduation. Because I know that my most important job is to guide these children to the doorstep of Heaven, and I’m convinced that will be a heck of a lot easier to do if I can stand by their side for a good long part of the journey.
I believe all of this, but it doesn’t make Monday any easier when I’m facing crabby kids, laundry spilling into the hallway, marker all over the dining room table, and four tantrums over the math book, all before 10:00.
You see, we homeschoolers have talked up this way of life in order to encourage and support one another.
But then when things don’t go according to our beautiful plan, we feel a bit cheated- like this whole homeschooling thing is not as wonderful as we were told it was.
Not the whole picture
We must try to remember- the good days are not the whole picture. Just like this blog is not the whole picture of my family life; it’s just a glimpse. A pretty glimpse, perhaps, and not untrue. But surely incomplete.
In homeschooling, the good days punctuate the ordinary. And sprinkled throughout (sometimes generously) are bad days. But there is grace poured over all of it. Nothing worth doing is easy, my friends. I am convinced that home education is worth doing.
And sometimes, I feel like quitting.
But I won’t.
And I thought I should tell you that.
I needed this today especially. Thanks.
Thank you for the much needed honesty! Why is it that if a family experiences difficulty with a traditional school setting, the response of onlookers is not “see, that’s why you shouldn’t have your kids in school”, but if a family experiences a difficulty in homeschooling the response if often “See, that’s why you shouldn’t be homeschooling”?
It’s this dichotomy that makes homeschooling mom’s hide their struggles. Yet, parenting isn’t “easy” no matter how you choose to educate! Let’s keep it real! ;)
This left me in tears!!! It’s just SO good. SO true! I’ve spent the last week going through planning while simultaneously contemplating enrolling my kids in school literally around the corner! “Sometimes, I feel like quitting. But I won’t” ❤
I love homeschooling even amidst the hard days! We have read, gone on many field trips, and yet my boys are begging to go back to public school. (We’ve been hs 6 years). I do not know why they want it so bad. They play sports, but my oldest wants more friends and a social life he says. He’s tired of being at home all the time. My middle child doesn’t know why he just wants to go. I’ve been crying for days because I don’t want to give it up but I want to respect them.
Help!
Jen
I needed this! thank you <3
Thank you for writing this. Homeschooling has been close to my heart. However, the socialisations issue has always worried me. I have read and heard that homeschooling kids get to socialise with various ages compared to kids in public school. I just dont know HOW to provide this kind of social interactions for my children. I could see them interacting with children from say homeschooling group/music/sport class. What else can they be involved in to provide the ‘rich meaningful socialisations’?
Another thing in my mind is the financial. We have been a one income household for a few years now as I am a stay at home mum. The ‘loss’ of my income is not the financial issue I am referring to. It is more of the extra expense we incur to send them to sports class, music class or science class for example. These will add up to be more expensive than the ‘public school fee’ we are paying at the moment and I am not sure we could afford to send them to various classes. Perhaps just one or two max a week. Would that be enough I wonder, those are my worries.
Would love to hear what you think. My kids are young, 6.5 and 3.5.
Maria–these are great questions! Homeschooling families have found many ways to give their children time with other kids. Co-ops, park days, book clubs. It doesn’t have to cost a lot of money…just maybe some of your own time and expertise.
I love the book by Alice Gunther called Haystack Full of Needles. With her inspiration we started a learning co-op this past year that was rewarding for everyone involved.
Thank you for this. I am just starting on the homeschooling journey and it is easy to feel like my kids are going to be missing out on so much from their old school. My pre-k kid is already begging to go to kindergarten and we haven’t even started home school. I chose homeschooling for many of the reasons you mentioned, it’s good to see you feel doubts sometimes too. Thanks for the perspective.😊
On the other side, when my second grader was in school this year he was exposed to many things and bad habits that I didn’t feel he needed to learn this young. I had many doubts about letting him finish the year out. We also have a good school available to us, with a caring community surrounding us. But the world is going too fast and the only way to slow it down for our kids is to set the pace.
Your doing the right thing, I’m doing the right thing, I won’t give up either 😊.
Three cheers for you, Arlea! Peace keep you as you walk this path!
Thank you writing this! It is just what I needed to read today. I am a full-time flight nurse and I also home school my two girls. Lately I have felt worn out and I just needed this reminder to keep pressing on. Thanks for all your teaching and education. You are a blessing to me.
Peace keep you, Rebecca! <3
Thank you for this. It truly helped today , on if sprinkled bad days. God bless you!
Sarah, I just love how real you are. Thank you. Your children are doing great. My five-year old also has the attention span of a flea, and guess what? He’s in school lol.
I DID quit homeschooling. I have been so sick with this last pregnancy, and my oldest (the five-year old) is so super demanding and social, and so resistant to me asking him to do anything hard at all, that I marched him to our nearest Montessori Charter and enrolled him 2 weeks into the school year. My autistic 4 year old is in a preschool for developmental delay (with lovely peer models) and my 2 year old is still home with me full-time. I don’t regret it one bit. I don’t know if we had already started before I got pregnant if it would’ve gone differently, but I do know that my kids in school are thriving, my five year is so much happier than he was, and we made the right decision. I WHOLEHEARTEDLY support homeschoolers. I think its amazing. Its just not for me, not for my kids, not right now. Things could change again. I love that I have the option.
Keep on keeping on, sister.
Sarah, sounds like you’re rocking it over there, from what I can tell. :) Always love to hear from you. xoxo
Thank you for your honesty, Sarah! I have felt like quitting, too. But I won’t. Because I want more for them and more from them. Take care!
Oh, so good to hear, Rachel! We’ll be thinking of you doing this good, hard work and loving your family. Peace keep you.
Love this!! ❤️❤️❤️🙏🏼
Have you been reading my mind lately??
You know, these doubts and evaluations are a good thing. If we didn’t doubt it, then I think it would smack of both pride and ignorance. Whether we homeschool or public school, we must weigh the pros and cons of each and decide which cons we are willing to live with… then try to defeat the cons as much as possible.
I often get the question, “do you plan to homeschool all the way through?” And my answer is always the same: “It depends.” It depends on what is best for each child and how it will affect their opportunities as an adult. It depends on our family needs. It depends on what the government does.
We re-evaluate every year.
Never put your child’s development on cruise control no matter what course you choose!
Thanks for this post!
Never put your child’s development on cruise control–LOVE this!
Excellent post. I often feel like quitting but God has a way of always reminding why I do it. Thank you for sharing.
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And February is usually when the quit-itis really starts to flare. Can I get an amen?
This may be my favorite post of yours. This is my first year teaching 2 (4th and K) and with a one year old and quitting is a frequent thought. However I know this is what we’re supposed to be doing, so only by the grace of God we press on. Thanks for letting me know I’m not alone.
Thank you for these words Sarah! So wonderfully honest!
Thank you for this post I am in that moment where I’m not sure I can keep this up. It is encouraging to know I am not alone. I know that this is what God wants for my family but sometimes (all the time right now) I feel like it is just not working. Continue to be strong in the Lord and be the Light!!!!
It’s always so amazing and helpful to me when I see normal people who homeschool their kids like myself having a bad day. This absolutely happens but it doesn’t mean that we should quit. Thanks for this wonderful post!
I so needed to read that this morning, this season. Bless you!
An intriguing discussion is definitely worth
comment. I believe that you should write more about this issue, it
might not be a taboo matter but typically folks don’t discuss these issues.
To the next! Cheers!!
“adventures are not all pony rides in may sunshine” – Bilbo Baggins
I am having such a rough morning with my daughter, I googled “I feel like quitting homeschooling” and found your excellent blog post. I am not a die hard homeschooler, and I never wanted to do it. I’m only doing it because I feel like it is the best choice for my daughter. I have three others in public school. The only reason I’m not sending her today is because I think her attitude would be worse for going to our public school. It is SO hard with her. I do feel in my deepest place I just need to keep sacrificing for her and doing it, but today is just so hard! Thank you for your honesty and encouragement.
Hang in there! :)
Hugs.
Reading over your archives, so needed to read this tonight. Thank you :)
xo-Tanya
Well said!! :)
Yes, yes and yes! Whether it is you wonder if you are doing the right thing by your child, or you wonder if you are doing the right thing by yourself, I think most homeschooling parents go through this. Only some are strong enough to admit it.
Thank you for saying this, I needed it as I have procrastinated planning out the first week of school at our house….We are moms, human moms and I sometimes forget that we do not need to be the perfect June Cleaver mother….we just need to love on our children. So again thank-you….
I really appreciate your honesty with this post. And it is so well written, too.
Mom – you said it beautifully (as a school teacher myself, couldn’t agree more).
“They might not need me; but they might. I’ll let my head be just in sight; a smile as small as mine might be precisely their necessity.”
Emily Dickinson
thank u.
Perfectly said! Hats off to you for explaining so perfectly how most of us probably feel. After I went through a rough first trimester with my eighth, a women tried to convince me that I should change my lifestyle by putting the kids in school and that I couldn’t give them what the schools could.
Thank God, He reminded me it was only a season and things are difficult at times but not always. You are so right about homeschooling being worth it all. I was so glad to read this post!!
This is one of the best blog posts I have ever read. Thank you.
Sarah, I’ve come to the conclusion that if we’re not second-guessing our decision, then we’ve become too disconnected from our job, our calling, our children’s needs. The very fact that we revisit our decision regularly helps keep us “honest”. (At least that is what I tell myself.)
Love this. On behalf of all homeschooling moms, thanks for putting it into words and thanks for sharing.
All I have to say is: Thank. You.
Wonderful post! As a former teacher, I agree 100% with your Mom’s post. God bless your homeschool journey. You are a great Mom and your love for your family is very evident in all your blog posts.
This is so true for all of us, Sarah. Oftentimes we forget that the way of love is nothing more or less than the Way of the Cross. It is a long, difficult work to sacrifice our time, interests, and freedom to the extent required to homeschool our children, especially in a culture that is constantly urging us to self-indulgence. But, as you so beautifully described, it is truly worth every last frustrating moment. We just need to persevere! As St. Paul admonishes us, “…present your bodies as a living sacrifice to the Lord,holy and acceptable to God, which is your spiritual worship. Do not be conformed to this world but be transformed by the renewal of your mind…” (Romans 12:1-2) But I’ve noticed here that the only trouble with being a living sacrifice is that I keep getting down off the altar! Especially on Mondays!
Now I am loving some sassy Sarah!! ;) These insecurities fit into every aspect of our lives. It’s through them that you perfect your skill. We have been fortunate to have great teachers, but I have met some that have no business teaching. And yeah, in this house the 34 year old is throwing the tantrum and crying over the math book…seriously…stop laughing ;)
“If a thing is worth doing, it is worth doing badly.”
–G.K. Chesterton
Why is it that we homeschoolers start to feel this way in the late fall and the middle of winter? Hope tomorrow goes better. :)
I was homeschooled from 4th grade all the way through to the end. I am now in my mid-twenties and have finished multiple college degree programs. I tell you all of this to encourage you to keep going. Some days will be bigger fights than others but when you look back I’m pretty sure you won’t regret one day of the education choice you made for your children.
I’m always echoing those thoughts. in fact my blog post for today was entitled, Home School Daze!! There are times when it just ain’t easy.
Thanks for being honest
Hugs San x
Sarah, thank you so much for your post. We’ve been dealing with some naysayers here as well, and you added the perfect reminder for me of why we do this. Than you for letting me know that I’m not alone in sometimes wondering if it would be easier to send my boys to school.
Wow sister, you sure put that into a great perspective! I know you’ll never give up, it’s just not in your nature. Plus like Mom said even public school teachers have problems and doubts, and you know what your kids are getting more “one on one” attention than any public school could ever offer (no offense momma)
I fully agree that there are people out there that should not tackle homeschooling (you are NOT one of them) but for those who are I see a strong benefit, plus how can you reap rewards if there is no effort or struggle?
As I was reading your post I thought, this sounds like how much of being a Mom feels. And it is worthwhile for much the same reasons. You do it to the best of your ability because you love them with all your heart. I think your honesty about the difficulties is hugely helpful to those who are setting themselves on the same path and then encounter those same feelings and become discouraged. And what a great perspective from your Mom. Hang in there–I love you.
Well said! I feel the same way. Thanks for lifting me up this Monday morning!
Sarah, This was great. We have just put all of our children in school this year for the very first time. We moved and heard about this awesome Catholic school. I had a bad burnout last year and thought “maybe God is trying to tell me something, maybe this is the answer?” Well, school was not the answer for us. After much prayer and discernment we are bringing our younger three back home. The older two are staying in school. School has been great for all of them in a lot of different ways. But I want that time with my younger ones, it is precious and absolutely shapes who they are.
Sorry to ramble on. I guess I just wanted to let you know the grass is not greener on the other side and keep up the good work.
God Bless You!
Kirsten
I’ve been blessed by this post. Thank You Sarah!
Amen!
& I loved your mom’s comment about how public school teachers have the same thoughts.
I always want to quit :) But want the alternative even less. LOVE the comment from your mom – what awesome support! God bless you for sticking to it. Graceful is a great word for you, and I’m glad you are keeping it real. Blessed Monday, again!!
We recently started homeschooling my ASD son, and it has been hard, hard work. Rewarding, but hard, and we already get a lot of blame put on homeschooling.
Consider us one family out there saying ‘Keep it up! you’re not alone!’
I have to give you credit little cousin, it is a very difficult task you have taken on. One of my mom’s sisters home schooled her children for many years. The oldest two went to private Christian school until the third was old enough to begin schooling, at which point they switched to home schooling. Ann taught for many years before finally enrolling the kids into public schools.
At the time I was still in public High School, and had always attended public schools. I saw SO many negatives to home schooling, and then I stepped back and looked at what it entailed. There are many wonderful programs out there for parents that truly want the best learning experience for their kids. It takes a lot of strength to take on that challenge, and unfortunately even more tolerance of outsiders that think their opinions should mean more than that of another.
I have started feeling like I have to defend the public school systems lately. I still think there are many great teachers out there, and I truly loved (the many) schools I attended. I think the hardest thing is that parents treat school like free day-care. If more parents took an active approach to their child’s learning, perhaps parents from both sides of the line would be a little more understanding of either way of learning.
The truth is, I was bored much of the time in High School, and I would tell my teachers that openly. Danny had a hard time with his writing, I’m still one of the few that can translate his chicken-scratch. It wasn’t until a few years after I graduated from High School that I was tested and told that I had a very high ability to “pick things up” and I have used that to continue learning new things all the time.
The fact is, your children are children. They will have challenges and they will have accomplishments, and you will get to be there for them to cheer them on, to instruct and nurture their learning, and to beam at their successes. And it will all have started with you being a mom, and a teacher.
By the way, I found other things more interesting than the drug scene, and I think I’m pretty responsible, even for a public school girl… LOL!
Best of luck to all the parents courageous enough to take on the added role of teacher, I think more parents should understand the challenge.
I was homeschooled, and loved it. I also watched my mother tear her hair out on numerous occasions. There are days that public school teachers hate their jobs and hate children, and homeschooling (and parenting!) is no different in that regard. Fortunately that feeling usually doesn’t last long!
Kudos to you for wanting to give your children the best education possible. Ignore the haters. They just don’t get it. You’ll get your revenge when the nine year old grows up and gets a full college scholarship, the seven year old studies differential equations in high school, and the five year old becomes a responsible young man who has more interesting things to do than the drug scene. Just wait. :-)
Love you, Sarah. You are gracefully authentic.
May God bless you for your honesty!
This is our 18th year homeschooling. I’ve cried, screamed and pulled out my hair but I wouldn’t change a day. I have two of my five that have graduated from our homeschool. They both attend college now and they tell me they loved being homeschooled and are grateful. Keep breathing, keep loving and having fun as a family. Hang in there!
Loved this. You put into words the thoughts that often swirl around inside my head. :)
Very true. Sometimes I daydream about the full days alone that I would have if Athena went to public school. And then…and then… I think of why I am doing it in the first place and I just do it. Keep calm and carry on. And you are right, nothing worth doing is easy at all.
I love you. That is all.
Great article. ;)
Well, from your mom, public school educator, I am SO GLAD that you are homeschooling three of the most precious souls in the world! I don’t think everyone who does homeschooling is up to the task, but I am 100% certain that you are! Also, how home schooling teachers feel is really not much different from how other teachers feel. We have those days when when we wonder,” Am I really making a difference for these children? Maybe “Johnny” would be more successful at reading if he had a different teacher.” Then there are those days that just go so horribly we find ourselves wondering “Have I completely forgotten how to do this? Do I need to move over for a younger crowd of experts?” It all comes with the territory of loving children, wanting to take them as far as they can go, wanting to protect them as much as possible, and wanting them to love learning every second of their lives.
Hey Nana, you ROCK. I love the awesome and insightful support you give to your family. Yes, h.s moms and school teachers for the most part all love kids and want to impart the wonder of learning, it’s just when it’s your OWN kids the stakes feel waaaay higher because,well, they are.
So very true, and true too that we don’t write about it much. Last year after 12 yrs of hsing I nearly quit, my dark year. One day, maybe, I’ll write about it publicly. {{}}
Well said Sarah, and you know, you left out one of the best reasons for homeschooling – avoiding all that yucky public school socialization.
Oh, and jam kisses at lunch :)
That’s just snobbish. Public school kids are not “yucky”
Hi Mandie!
I know Penny rather well and am quite sure she didn’t mean that public school KIDS are “yucky.” (Because you are quite right- that would be unkind and snobbish, and Penny is neither.) :)
I think what she meant is that true socialization is a meeting of the minds- it’s engaging with all kinds of people of different races, ages, and belief systems, and having interesting conversations with them. It’s learning to connect with people who are very different from oneself, and others who are very similar.
In public schools, children are grouped with other children their own age, who live in the same town, and often times participate in the same extracurricular activities. The classroom and school dynamics (like cliques, social pressure, etc) make it difficult for real, beautiful, organic socialization to take place in such a situation.
I think Penny was just mentioning that when we homeschoolers wonder if our children would be better socialized by going to school, we can remind ourselves that the socialization offered there is not the kind we seek for our kids. That’s not snobbish- it’s just being discerning about the environment we want to raise our kids in. And every parent has to decide that for herself!
So glad you popped by. Hope you have a lovely week. :)
That’s quite a lot to infer from the word “yucky”.
I agree with you that true socialization involves diversity, but as someone who was homeschooled I don’t agree that heterogeneous socialization is the default of homeschool while homogeneous socialization is the default of public school. My public schooled son has much more diversity in his socialization than I received being homeschooled. By the above definition, there is also true socialization going on in public schools just as there is “yucky” socialization going on in homeshool settings.
I recognize that there are as many different approaches to homeschool as there are families who choose that educational path. I have seen it executed wonderfully, I have also seen homeschooled kids fall behind both socially and academically. The constant assertion by the homeschool community that homeschooling always brings about better results– “improved academic opportunity, better socialization”– bothers me because I know it’s simply not true in every case.
Maybe I read it totally wrong, but in my mind the “yucky public school socialization” was a sarcastic commentary on the idea that homeschoolers don’t get any proper socialization. In other words she was sardonically saying that socialization is yucky and of course homeschoolers main reason to do home-education is to avoid socializing, and as is the case with sarcasm it was not at all meant to be taken literally. But I do have a very sarcastic sense of humour, so like I said, I may be reading that all wrong.
so. so. true.
I appreciate your honesty and sharing the *reality* that 24-7 with those that you love is not all “puppies and daisies and pretty things” :) Even when some of my children were in school, they had bad days there, rough days with friends, and irritations with their teachers. Such is life on planet Earth! As mamas we seem to always blame ourselves though when life isn’t perfect…oh if we could just let go of that!!
Your honesty is refreshing. Home education is definitely worth doing, but it’s by no means easy.