Rigor, Diligence, and What We’re Setting Out to Do
When we say we want to live out diligent and rigorous homeschooling, what do we really mean? What are we really setting out to do?
When I set out to plan a restful year of homeschooling, it’s important to remember that rest is not ease. I am not planning for an easy year.
Rest is trusting that God’s got this, even if I’m a mess, even if I’m not enough, even if I mess up every day. Because I do.
Unshakable peace does not come from getting through a certain amount of material over a specified amount of time (satisfaction might- but not unshakable peace), nor does it come from throwing in the towel and giving in when things get hard.
Peace comes from recognizing that our real task is to wake up each day and get our marching orders from God.
It comes from diligence to the work He hands us. It doesn’t mean that I don’t use checklists or seek to give my children all the skills they need so that they are fully prepared for the next step (thank goodness- I love my checklists!).
Rigor vs. Diligence
We have this desire to give our kids what we call an academically “rigorous” education. Andrew Kern and Christopher Perrin both taught me a bit about that.
In my conversations with them for the audio companion of Teaching from Rest, I asked them how we could pursue a rigorous education while retaining a sense of rest.
But what I didn’t realize was that the word “rigor” comes from the Latin “rigorem” which means numbness, stiffness, hardness, firmness, roughness, rudeness.
Don’t aim for a rigorous education, they both told me.
If we are aiming to order our children’s affections, learn to love what is lovely, join in the great conversation, and cultivate a soul so that the person is ready in every sense of the word to take on the challenges around the corner and on the other side of the college entrance exams, then, they said, work for “diligence” instead.
Diligere mean to single out, value highly, esteem, prize, love; aspire to, take delight in, appreciate.
Which brings me right back to what Andrew Kern said when he told me that what we really mean by rigor is not just doing hard things, but cultivating a habit of focused attention.
Diligent & Rigorous Homeschooling
So what does this mean entrenched in my actual day? What happens when my child throws down her pencil and her eyes well up with tears because she just doesn’t get the math lesson today? (This happens in my home quite a bit, actually!)
When I focus on being diligent rather than rigorous, my measure for success is not, “did I check off lesson 97 today?”
I am going to want to check off lesson 97 at some point. But if I can’t do it today because my child is not achieving understanding, I don’t need to fret and worry and wring my hands.
I’m not tempted to push her through to the next lesson because we must! keep! up!, and I certainly don’t put the math book on the shelf and shrug it off either.
My child not understanding the math lesson isn’t a reason to disturb my state of peace.
After all, this is what we were made for! Now it’s time to troubleshoot, to problem solve, to come alongside her and realize that when she doesn’t understand the day’s lesson, it isn’t a setback, it’s just God showing us our marching orders for the day.
Teaching from rest means we don’t panic when things don’t go according to our plan.
This is going to take diligence, attention, and a lot of hard work- and that’s what we were made for. It helps tremendously if we clear enough time in the schedule to focus on what needs tending and smile a lot.
My child is struggling through her lesson today? She doesn’t need me to go global, she needs me to go all in.
When I take on the challenge of this day with both hands and trust that we are right where He wants us, that’s when I experience unshakable peace.
Not when the work is all done, the lessons all checked off, the SAT aced and my child sent successfully to college, proving that I did my job well.
The unshakable peace is not tied to my success at all.
It’s tied to my faithfulness.
We rest in the fact that if our children grow up to ask us why we did what we did- why we focused on cultivating wonder and curiosity, on learning hard things like Latin and algebra, why we didn’t fill up our days but focused on majoring on the majors and gazing on Him- we can answer with confidence.
This isn’t idealism.
It isn’t simple and peaceful in the sense of being easy or gentle. It is, as Dr. Perrin puts it, “meaningful learning and growth- but without anxiety and frenzy.”
So when I’m looking at my birds’ eye view, when I’m choosing what is worth keeping in my homeschool day, I can do a better job of culling and choosing if I seek to be diligent, to teach from rest, and to do it all for the glory of God.
I really needed to hear this today. “Unshakeable peace is not tied to my success, but to my faithfulness.” “God has got this.”
Thank you!
I’d forever want to be update on new blog posts on this website, saved to favorites!
I needed this today thank you!
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This is a wonderful article to check our reality of what is important. With our lives and learning moving so quickly and so many people focused on rigor, we need to consider what it is we are cultivating. This article definitely is offers a moment of reflection on that idea.
I love this! I keep coming back to it year after year.
The unshakable peace isn’t tied to my success but to my faithfulness. That truth I needed to read today. We are in a good place but have recently come over some steep mountains. I know there will be more in our path, so I’ll hang on to that truth and be equipped for the next season of difficulty. Thanks
Peace keep you, dear one!
WOW! Absolutely LOVE this….. Thank you so much!!
You are so awesome! I do not believe I’ve truly read a single
thing like that before. So great to discover another person with genuine thoughts on this issue.
Really.. thank you for starting this up. This
web site is something that is needed on the internet, someone with a bit of originality!
Very interesting points you have mentioned, appreciate it for putting up.
Thank you!! I need to keep hearing this message over and over. You are such a blessing, Sarah! I’m so thankful for how the Lord is using you in my life, as well as, in the lives of my friends.
I got your book Teaching From Rest a few months ago and was so encouraged by it. I needed those reminders to keep my focus on the important things. Since then I’ve been a regular visitor to your blog. Part of the encouragement came from the similarities between what you wrote and what I was already doing. So I confess that I gave myself a foolish little pat on the back for things that I was getting right. It was the pride before the fall. It’s much easier to teach from rest when life is calm. My husband (a military chaplain) just got orders sending him around the world to a place we can’t follow for one whole year. Maybe more. So now as I face moving, single parenting, and a temporary home in the second story of my parents’ house while I live between duty stations, I feel like God is about to give me the advanced course in Teaching From Rest. I’m sure I’ll be reading your book and blog repeatedly in the months ahead! Thanks again for your words of wisdom and encouragement.
oh my goodness, I love this! Thank you so much for the encouragement!
Man, this series is such good stuff! Ok, first-year homeschool mom (oldest in kinder) and here’s my concern: that I’m not disciplined or inspired enough to give my kiddos a diligent education. Eek. I’ve always been a “it’s good enough”, low energy kind of person when it comes to hard work (I sound like pretty awesome teacher material, right?!) and I’m fearful that I’ll let that attitude rule my homeschool. For instance, we joined CC and I’m overwhelmed by it instead of energized by it; I’m unmotivated to help my five year old memorize Latin noun endings and can’t see myself ever desiring to teach it the later years, either. Latin isn’t really the point, but here’s what is: I’m often bored by subjects I’ve never excelled at/perceived a need for. I feel like *I* need to be awakened to the joy of learning and the value of being diligent; I just kinda want my one year old to take a nap and my three and five year olds to read a good book with me then go watch some wild kratts while I try to manage the laundry pile. I have never kept an organized planner or binder in my life, I’m notorious for starting something and not finishing, my kids stay up too late and we have no morning routine in place, the grandparents don’t really love the idea of homeschool, and I’m having a hard time adjusting to all my mom friends’ kiddos heading off to school, removing our weekly hangouts I had grown used to. Yet, my kids are delightful and happy and enjoy learning at home, and despite all my deficits, my husband and I still want to homeschool. I just need some reassurance that I can pull this thing off! How can I ensure that I’m being diligent enough without feeling excessively anxious about it? How can a super tired, introverted mom teach three super energetic, extroverted babies all the time and do it well?
Hi Kat!
First of all, you can totally pull this off. :)
I remember feeling a lot of discouragement when we were just starting out- the combination of my friends all buying backpacks and getting school supplies and signing up to help with field trips, PLUS all of our family pretty much feeling like we were nuts (I think they still do)…. it was tough.
My best advice is to do whatever it takes to surround yourself with some fabulous homeschooling friends. :) You’ll feel more normal that way! And that’s important.
Second, I’m always overwhelmed by CC. :) And I’m a pretty energetic extravert! So there’s that, not sure it’s useful for anything except, again, to help you feel normal.
If I had an oldest in kinder, I’d…. well, actually, I wrote a post about that. It’s here:https://readaloudrevival.com/early-years/
The other thing I wanted to mention is that I think those of us who grew up in more traditional school schedules need a bit of deschooling to really fall in love with learning. Your kids are still young, so I’d take the opportunity to dabble in lots of different things that seem interesting to YOU– sewing? Gardening? Canning? Starting an internet-based business? Refurbishing antiques? DIY home decor? Drawing? Reading the classics? Photography? Just dabble and explore anything that seems interesting to you– I bet you’ll find some self discipline and will in there that has been laying dormant for awhile. :)
Quite honestly, I’d shrug my shoulders at the Latin noun declensions (just for now!) in order to see if I could find something to really ignite my own learning passion. It’s in there, I’m sure of it!
Also- I know lots of wildly successful homeschoolers who have been extremely relaxed. Their kids grew up well-educated, well-socialized, and interested in learning and life. So don’t think your homeschool has to look uber organized or impressive to be successful.
Just be you. I’m betting that’s the best homeschool your kids could possibly get anyway.
xo
Sarah
Sarah- I’d love to know what cindy has to say about being impervious!! The link didnt appear to be to the right thing
Oops- I need to fix that link! It’s something she said in the audio companion to Teaching from Rest, actually- that being impervious is like being a little bit crazy, being so calm when your kids spin out of orbit that they wonder if you’ve lost your mind. :) Basically, she said it’s super important for moms to be unshakably calm.
This topic of rigor came up one time at a mom’s meeting I attended. We were discussing homeschooling high school and the fact that rigor is not necessarily the way we want to teach.
I’m always amazed at how our perception of words and word meanings has changed over time. We just assume it’s correct without ever looking it up or studying it. I believe understanding language and the origin of words is part of being an educated person. Reading great works and classic literature definitely strengthens our vocabulary.
Great post…and I really enjoyed the Andrew Kern podcast associated with Teaching from Rest!
Thanks,
Melissa
What a great article! I’ve been thinking a lot lately about the verse in Psalm 18 where David says that God’s gentleness has made him great. So often, I focus on how great I want my children to be, and I think my rigor and false diligence will get them there, when really it is my gentleness and delight in them that will enrich their souls the most!
Thank you!
I am so glad I found your blog via The Homegrown Preschooler. God knew I needed to hear these words this week! Thanks for refreshing my perspective.
Light bulb going off with rigor. I never connected it to the Latin, and of course the first related word I thought of was rigor mortis. Certainly don’t want that mentality in a homeschool!!
Ooh, I love what you wrote about rigor vs. diligence. Now there’s something to chew on and ponder…
Your ebook and the audio talks have been such an incredible blessing for me. I am about to start listening to the talks again. I think you and Andrew Kern should chat regularly and share it with us all. That talk in particular was absolutely amazing!
Fantastic post! And a great illustration of how a foundation of peace allows for the opportunity to brainstorm through challenges – which do come! They almost always stretch us within His plan toward growth in virtue. That considerate vantage point means that I can see that an opportunity for brainstorming exists and is worthy of stretching toward….rather than eyes closed to anything more than checking off Lesson 97, and 6th grade math, and 7th grade math, and…and…and.
Confession: I love the word “rigor.” Interesting to note the etymology though! It’s really great to think about rigor and diligence!
Oh Jen, thank you! That means so much coming from you. :) I am thoroughly enjoying peeking over your beautiful new redesign and all the fabulous new posts you’ve recently written. :)
“Rest is trusting that God’s got this, even if I’m a mess, even if I’m not enough, even if I mess up every day. Because I do.”
So much wisdom and reassurance here…
I’ve been reading your planning posts as I plan for our upcoming year, and every one has helped me feel like I can breathe more deeply. I’m not overly anxious about the school year itself but about how we will manage with a newborn and twins who aren’t yet three and are into everything. I expect to be a bit (a lot?) of a mess on many days for a while.
but at least there’s only one baby coming. ;-)
I was just thinking about you! I was pondering the challenge of my toddler and realizing that you had TWO that age currently, and another on the way. I’ll pray for you. ;)
I keep hearing that having a singleton after having twins is a walk in the park. I guess you get to test the theory! :)
HUGE congratulations to your family!!! I’m excited for you! You’re gonna be awesome.
Lovin g your planning and inspirational posts, sarah!
Thanks for the advice, links and enjoyment…….much appreciated.
xoxoxo
Enjoy July! We are cross country camping as of this weekend for a few weeks. I look fwd to catching up on my fave blogs, inc yours when we return and I can begin to have at least some vision for the new school year!
Historically, I have not minded the word “rigor” but I suppose one much take care not to allow rigor to become rigor mortis, hm? ;)
Wonderful post. I especially loved this point: “The unshakable peace is not tied to my success at all. It’s tied to my faithfulness.” That is worth thinking about. :)
Sarah, I am reading your book and just crying as I go (in a good way!). I just finished a rough year of kindergarten with my oldest and so needed all these reminders before we start school again (this time with two students). I am seriously going to paste some quotes from your book all over the house to help me stay focused on what’s important. Thank you so much for sharing this with us!
Fantastic, as always…and I’m printing these posts out and adding them to my Teaching From Rest binder (aka my book of sanity & awesomeness)! :)
I still haven’t listened to all of the podcasts, so I love reading this discussion of rigor vs. diligence and find so much wisdom there. I was recently talking to a homeschool mom who has graduated 2 and still has 2 at home. She loves your book too and counsels me that stressing & worrying about curriculum accomplishment is NOT the key to successful homeschooling (if that means kids getting into college, scholarships, being independent, etc.). Her experience mirrors much of what you say: do the work in the basics always, meeting the kids where their needs are; add in extras as time & interest allows; read great books; have great discussions; and always put all efforts in God’s hands.
God Bless!
Oh Sarah, have you read The Four Temperments? I would give my first cup of morning coffee to see you spin that gold into your gorgeous homeschool thoughts! Love, Mary
What a beautiful way to word that!
Thank you for sharing, Sarah. I need to remember this, “My child not understanding the math lesson isn’t a reason to disturb my state of peace.” Only substitute, “My child struggling to read isn’t a reason to disturb my state of peace.” I look forward to watching the webinar when I have a little quiet time. May God bless you and your sweet family!
Thank you for the sweet recommendation of my book. I had such a good time talking to both you and Mystie and was pleased with how helpful and practical the conversations turned out to be.
This post was wonderful. Sometimes it is so hard to make those shifts and see things in a new way, but we are all growing and learning, aren’t we? Even us old homeschool moms. Can’t wait to see more of your plans.
Thank you, Sarah! As I am being inspired by your book, it is such a blessing to come to your blog and receive even more encouragement and wisdom. I so needed to be reminded of this as I plan for next year. This past school year started in the fall with much striving for that “rigorous” education (my false idea of such), and it ended in the spring with Morning Time and focused attention. My children thank you for this wonderful change. :) But is still hard not to revert to old ways.
Also, ten other women and I just finished a brief retreat based around your book. Almost all of them have already graduated at least one of their children (some of them are grandmas now too). They all found much inspiration in teaching from rest and spoke about how much they desired this for their homeschools. Your words encourage weary moms of large families who have been teaching for eighteen years and have another nearly eighteen to go! Thank you for sharing these very needed truths in your clear, heartfelt way.
Thirsting for Prayer was excellent too!! It’s so hard to pick a next one to read. I’m reading The Way of Trust and Love right now.
Great post, great series, great podcasts! Thanks for everything!
Sarah, have you ever read the book Searching for and Maintaining Peace by Fr. Jacques Phillipe? Its about being at unshakeable peace in your whole life. Its a little book that packs a big punch. In my Moral and Spiritual Theology class in grad school, we were assigned the task of reading just one peace each day, but reading it slowly and prayerfully. It was so good for me, and I think you will really be blessed by it too.
*that should say one page each day not one peace!* oops.
Heading over to Amazon to get it! Thank you!
One of my fav.or.ite. books! Actually all of his books are somewhere in the top 10 of my favorites.
I’ve only read this one book of his! Which would you recommend I read next?
I would read “Called to Life” or “Time for God” next.
All of his books are wonderful! I am reading Thirsting for Prayer right now, and I love it. But my very favorite is The Way of Trust and Love, which is written through the lens of St. Therese’s spirituality. Very, very fitting when pondering “faithfulness, not success.”