With God’s Help, How Can We Fail?

BySarah Mackenzie Homeschooling Articles, Notes on Faith, Teaching from Rest

I think perhaps God is trying to make a point. When we discovered this pregnancy, I felt a little shocked. I smiled broadly at Andy, began to giggle, then immediately dissolved into tears.

I sent a quick text off to Elizabeth, imploring her to stave off my waves of panic. Because…really? Already? I was already overwhelmed by the sheer number of things to get done in a day.

Now with the prospect of another long, sick, and miserable first trimester on the horizon followed by the rest of pregnancy and babies so close together… well, it was all a bit unnerving.

Right around the time I started to feel comfortable with the idea, we found out it was twins. I texted Elizabeth again. She called immediately, laughing hysterically and almost shrieking with glee.

In that moment I remembered- quite suddenly and vividly- all those heartbreaking days of begging God for another baby. The sorrowful, heavy conversations with the very few friends who knew my heartache.

The long winter evenings where I would lay in front of the Christmas tree, praying the St. Andrew novena and wondering if God could even hear me.

Well. That’s laughable now, isn’t it?

I find it somewhat amusing to think back on those most heart wrenching of days and consider what God must have been plotting while I lay sobbing on the couch, begging Him to hear me. “Oh I hear ya alright, honey. Just you wait.” (chuckle)

(Do you think God chuckles?)
(I do.)

Of course the gift of receiving new life overshadowed nearly everything else. Our kids were ecstatic. My kids don’t need Mother Teresa to tell them that there is no such thing as too many children, they know it by instinct.

“How can there be too many children? That is like saying there are too many flowers.”

-Mother Teresa

We stared at those ultrasound pictures and marveled at how God was showering us with blessings in ways, only two years before, we had thought impossible.

Let me back up a little.

We haven’t always been so open to new life. There was a time when I had three very small children and I thought my abilities were being stretched to full capacity. It seemed like the responsible, prudent thing to do not to take on more than I could handle, and I was quite sure I was already at my limit.

But a funny thing happens when we allow ourselves a free-fall of faith, when we open our fists just a little and stop trying to control things that only God should govern. Something supernatural takes place.

God doesn’t force His way into our lives, see. He doesn’t push and shove us out of the driver’s seat and insist on doing things His way- He waits for us to hand over the wheel. And when we do…

Oh, when we do.

Basic Facts

When we found out we were having twins, I immediately considered some basic facts:

  • Next year I will have six children.
  • I will be homeschooling three of them, and three of them will be babies age one and under.
  • There is only one of me.
  • There are six of them.
  • There is Irish Stepdance, Taekwon-Do, piano lessons, heaps of laundry, 21 meals every single week made mostly from scratch.
  • There are doctor and dentist appointments, birthday parties, dirty floors, muddy tubs, clothes to buy and sort and organize as children grow.
  • There are curriculum plans, reading lessons, weedy flowerbeds, sinks full of dishes.
  • There are six human beings to train up as saints, and the enormity and gravity of that job alone is enough to make we weep!
  • And these kids are around all the time! Constantly! They don’t go to school or disappear for hours each day (thanks be to God)- they are underfoot, around, watching every move I make and learning from all of the words that come out of my mouth and the examples (good or bad) that I set for them.

Next basic fact:

THIS IS IMPOSSIBLE FOR ME TO HANDLE.

And it would be, I’m quite certain, if I attempted to tackle it under my own strength. But out of nowhere, as I was wading through this mess of panic over everything-I-could-not-possibly-handle, I had a thought:

With God’s help, how can I fail?

Really. Is it even possible to fail?

If God has seen fit to shower us with the blessing of all these children, do I really think He will just drop them in my womb and then turn away to tend to other, more important matters?

Back in January I wrote that I was pretty sure God was getting ready to rain down buckets of grace on our little family, but that post sounded a lot more confident than I actually felt. It was a statement of hope, really.

But then I guess God wanted to use it to make a point.

What happened next

Within weeks of writing that statement about buckets of grace, a few things happened:

  •  A friend offered to take over Primrose’s writing lessons. I had expressed concern over the amount of time I was spending on this task, wondering how that was going to be feasible with so many babies underfoot, so… she offered. And she’s not just anybody. She’s a dear friend of mine who also happens to be a corporate-attorney-turned-homeschooling-mom. She has a heart of gold, and she’s a better writing teacher than I am.
  • Another friend (this one local) is done homeschooling now- her five are upward and onward in life. She wants to volunteer herself somewhere next year, and thought that perhaps next school year, she could come over every single week for a few hours hours to work with Primrose on her Latin, hang out with the kids, and do some gluten-free baking and literature discussion. Every week. For a couple of hours.
  • Then a sweet lady from church (whom I have often seen but never spoken to) overheard me telling our priest that I am expecting twins. One week later she asked if she could please come help. None of her grandchildren live nearby and we have no family within 300 miles. She told me she’d love to come be a part of our family- watch the kids and just help me juggle all these balls I’ve got in the air. She has a busy life of her own, but she’s carving out time on a regular basis to give help to us.

Buckets of grace, anyone?

I had no idea how I would handle it all, and God was probably tsk-tsking at me all the while, trying ever so hard to remind me in His calm and patient way that I don’t have to. That’s what grace is for.

And it all became crystal clear. God cannot rain buckets of grace on me unless I make myself available to Him.

For years I clung to the idea that I could not possibly take on any more, that I had to retain control in order to hold on to my sanity. It was like my umbrella.

I stood there clutching it, wondering why God wasn’t raining any grace on me, forgetting that with my umbrella overhead, the grace couldn’t touch me, even if He did.

Then, when God had changed my heart and I threw my beloved umbrella (and the desire to control my own life) to the sidelines, I was overcome by the despair that perhaps I was too late- that maybe I had missed my chance to let Him take over.

It was only then- only when I was bare and vulnerable and had fully thrown myself at God’s feet- that He would rain down those buckets, and they would wash over me.

And washing over me they are, in bucket-loads.

I am amazed at the way God takes over when we finally give up our illusions of control. When we just let Him do what He loves to do- take care of us. Guide us. Shower us with grace.

Grace is not given in advance- we don’t get it a second earlier than it is needed.

If we had waited until all our ducks were in a row, until the timing was “just right”, until we had things under control before allowing for new life in our family, we would still be waiting.

And we would be evermore. We would have missed out on Posy, and on the joy these twins will surely bring to our lives, as well.

It’s a free-fall, this faith thing.

We have to just go for it, and know that He has grace sufficient for us. In fact, He has grace in abundance for us, if only we’ll let Him wash over us.

And really…truly… with God’s help, how can we fail?

66 Comments

  1. This is just beautiful. I just clicked over to check it out after reading your “Most Post” (and doing my own). This is just what I needed to read, for many reasons. I am trying to figure out how to give up control and also begging God for another baby and trying to learn how to pray for this while still being open to His plan for me and my family… This is just wonderful. Thank you.

    Reply

    1. Thank you, Amy. This is a lesson I’m having to keep coming back to, it’s so instinctive for me to want to take control myself! I’m constantly failing here and beginning again.

      I’ll be praying for you!

      Reply

  2. “God cannot rain buckets of grace on me unless I make myself available to Him.” What a beautiful line and beautiful post. And such lovely images.
    Having a large family has its own set of challenges but it also has its own set of opportunities for us to rely on God’s grace.
    Blessings, Mar

    Reply

  3. just wanted to say that this was a beautiful, beautiful post and so encouraging. I’m sure you’ll need to re-read it often to encourage yourself, too! I love that you’re expecting twins- they are THE best. We just added another sweet baby last Feb. and found our we are expecting our number SIX in September of this year. God is so good and He apparently trusts me a lot! It’s crazy to hear myself say I’m expecting number 6… still. I went through many of those same emotions (minus all the homeschooling ones).

    Bless your heart! I’ll keep your pregnancy in my prayers…

    Reply

  7. Wow! You already have 56 comments, so I probably can’t add anything new to the discussion. I meant to comment days ago, when I first read this (I am so out of the blogging loop these days!) but I kept putting it off because I wanted to be sitting at the computer with a certain book in hand so I could accurately type out a quote for you. Enough already! It’s not going to happen! I’m just going to paraphrase. There’s so much truth to what you shared here, and so much I could relate to, even though I don’t have the exact same experience (re: childbearing). It reminded me of something I read recently in the book “Radical” by David Platt: essentially, that God isn’t looking for people who have it all under control and have the talent and capability to achieve their dreams. He’s looking for people who will rely desperately on Him, so that His great glory can be shown, magnified, through them. It sounds like the prospect of these twins is pushing you beyond what you can comfortably handle, so that you rely more fully and deeply on Him. He is already showing you how He can provide for you, and by sharing this with all of us, you’re reflecting His glory — magnifying Him, showing Him to be great in a way that exceeds our dreams.

    Reply

    1. Oh my goodness, thank you for this. Yes- that’s it exactly. He longs for us not to be self-sufficient and wildly successful, but to instead rely desperately on him so that He can be perfect in our weakness.

      Reply

  10. I love this post! Its amazing how pride gets in the way of our receiving God’s graces, and the false notion that we can (or should!) do it all on our own. Much to remeber here– thank you for sharing, and God bless as you grow those babies!

    Reply

  16. Thank you for such a wonderful post. My takeaway is that we must recognize the need for God’s grace, but most important is to ACCEPT it when it presents itself. DawnJoy

    Reply

  18. Thank you for sharing your heart! It’s wonderful to read how God has been working in your life. I feel guilty thinking I have a hard time with my 2 kids! ;) But I know each stage as a mother always feels hard, it doesn’t get easier – but how we choose to approach it changes and I so need to surrender to Christ more and worry less!

    Reply

    1. When I had one, life was HARD with one. When I had two, it was HARD with two… and honestly, in some ways (though, admittedly, not all) life is actually easier now because even though I have more children, my big ones are… bigger! It makes a huge difference to have big people around to help! :)

      Reply

  19. Tears falling here, Sarah. I could relate to so much of what you shared. I’m not catholic, but have walked a similar journey of trying to be in control and God gently asking me to allow him full control of this area of my life. I have a long story of heartache and finally joy that someday perhaps I’ll be able to share with you. Suffice it to say that this post was timely for me, a beautiful reminder that God is enough. Thank you. I needed to read this tonight.

    Reply

  20. Wow! I so needed to be reminded of that right now! Two years ago, I told God I wanted to release control to Him. I have had the lifetime habit of constantly saying” I’ll take care of this God, not beig patient and waiting on Him, but instead trying to awlays take matters into my own hands and assume I was helping Him out. What foolishness on my part. I am kind of the opposite of a procrastinater, and tend to try to get all my ducks in a row way before they”re ready. (Hmmm, sounding more like a great lack of patience in waiting on Him…). Theses past few weeks, I have been telling God that He must have mixed me up with someone else, but He has to know I am not able to deal with all the many huge changes happening in my life right now. Your words couldn’t have been more timely! I needed that giant reminder that God is faithful and with Him we cannot fail, as long as we have truly let Him take the wheel. So thank you for that wonderful message at a much needed time, my wonderful daughter!

    Reply

  21. Dear Sarah,
    What beautiful, inspiring words! I follow your blog faithfully – and it never fails to give me a boost when I am feeling overwhelmed! Thank you so much for this important apostolate of yours! And many congratulations and blessings on the twins!
    God bless you and yours!

    Reply

  25. Amen! I need more confidence that this will be true in my own life, not just joy when I see it for others. Also, I would love to think of ways I can be an avenue of grace to someone else, because the generous offers you’ve received are definitely a reflection of the world I would like to live in.

    Reply

  27. This is one of my favorite posts that I have ever read from you. I wish that more people understood this truth, that with God’s help, how can we fail? I have seen this to be true time and time again in my own life. I am so encouraged from reading about these buckets of grace raining down on you.

    Reply

  28. Oh, I LOVE it all! Good for you for laying it all out there. God is so beautiful when He shines through our weakness! So grateful to hear the blessings are already beginning to fall. Praying for you and Andy! Bless you all.

    Reply

  29. Thank you for sharing this, Sarah–I feel like I needed to read this today. I have six children under age seven (six children six and under!), and the funny part about it all is that I spent month after month of a very long year *begging* God for our first child. A year is not that long at all, but I was in my early twenties and it felt like forever. ;) At the year mark, we started looking into adoption, and we actually ended up adopting while I was pregnant with my oldest daughter–my “twins” are three months apart. :)

    It then took us a little while to conceive our next baby, but the three after that came fast and furious, and I’m in a bit of an overwhelmed moment. Schooling two with a preschooler, a toddler, and two babies is not conducive to an introvert’s temperament. ;) I spent my last pregnancy completely freaked out, wondering how in the world I could make it all work. Friends and family thought I was fine, but my husband knew that I was pretty much scared to death! :) And now I have this 4-month-old doll baby who started sleeping through the night at six weeks and barely ever fusses. My easiest baby yet. God’s work, for sure. Why do I doubt it?

    BUT part of me still wants to give myself a year before we pregnant with the next one–as if I’m in control of it all (ha!). I spent our nature study outing last week with one baby in the Moby on my front and one in the Ergo on my back, and chasing down my other two littles while trying to keep up with my two oldest…and trying to figure out whether I am crazy or blessed–or both! So your words are timely here. God’s grace is always faithful, and with God we cannot fail.

    Reply

    1. Hi Celeste, I just wanted to thank you for this post. My husband and I are into our own months of begging and begging God for a little blessing. I have to constantly remind myself that whatever God has in store is so much better than what I have planned and hoped for. Thank you for reminding me just how true that is! God bless your family!

      Reply

    2. Hello Celeste

      I also would like to thank you for this post, as my husband and I (recently married) are hoping to conceive, but it seems to be taking a little while. It is *so hard* to trust God with this one. Though like you said, whatever He has planned for us will be SO much better than my own silly little plans. :)

      Thank you, thank you, thank you and God bless!!!

      Reply

  30. Beautiful post, Sarah!

    I, too, believe God chuckles at us! Like when I joked that “we need to have a baby every Christmas since I was so much more organized last year!” only to find out a few months later that I was pregnant and due on Christmas AGAIN! I’m sure He was up there laughing away! I’ve always felt overwhelmed at the beginning of each pregnancy (and often times all the way through… and the whole year following!) but God truly does send us the grace (and help!) that we need, right when we need it most.

    What a blessing to have those thoughtful and generous women in your life, ready and willing to help! May God reward them!

    Reply

  32. After a week of reading blogs with perfect homes and Pinterest worthy activities and birthday parties for their kids, I was ready to give up on reading blogs all together. thank you for your inspirational post, i needed to read it this morning. My fifth pregnancy was twins as well with our oldest only 8. Now, our twins will be 2 in april and we are coming out of the fog. You can do it! Congratulations.

    Reply

  33. Thank you so much for your honesty and transparency. I must admit, I was awed by your confidence in those initial posts, and now I realize that it was not confidence in yourself that was coming through, but confidence in God’s provision. And here it is. Thank you for sharing with us.

    Reply

  35. I’ve just discovered your blog (with the post on “no super star”). This as well as that earlier post, were an excellent reminder and full of anecdotes that sound all too familiar. After reading through half the blog and sighing over pictures of your beautiful newborn last year, I wondered if you would soon have a fifth baby, just because the rest of the children were all so gorgeous. And probably because I thought it would be fun to have another point in common; I am a Catholic (albeit Unitarian) homeschooling mother of five.
    Oh; that unexpected and devastating news! And your willingness to take another look and let the universe fall into place as it should, or trust God. These are both familiar feelings to me, and you have expressed them beautifully.
    If you take a look at my blog, just remember one thing; I DON’T craft either; but my kids do, lol! I knit and bake and cook, but have not had a crafty idea since I was 12.
    Congratulations, keep writing, and be well.

    Reply

  36. Oh Sarah, I needed to read this today. Thank you for laying it all out. I was just telling my sister that I expect that this year will become a year of Grace for us (they all are, but you know what I mean.)

    Reply

  37. You have a way of expressing yourself so honestly and faithfully without seeming to put rose-colored glasses over reality. Yet I cannot help but see that in our world of ever-increasing isolationism, God’s way is to bring us back together in relationships – through family, friends and church community. What a rich life that gives you and your children. So many blessings. ((hugs))

    Reply

  38. Oh, excellent post, Sarah. Sometimes I think that twins are God’s way of sending a little redemption into our lives, because we had not been open to life for a while after having kid #2 (actually, at that point my dh was not Catholic and I had fallen away from the Church and had never been taught what being “open to life” meant anyway). And then I had a miscarriage, and my life turned around. It took us a long time (for us, anyway) to get pregnant again, but I think that period was really necessary for me to do some soul-searching and some learning. And then when #3 was born, I was ready to leave everything up to God. The twins came after that. Sometimes I feel guilty for all those years I spent blocking God and the children who might have come into the world, but then I consider the twins and all the kids that have come after, and I think that God likes to redeem our mistakes as soon as we give Him a foot in the door. :-)

    Reply

  40. Thank you, Sarah. I read this with tears in my eyes. Reading your story is like reading my own, but we’re still patiently (or not so patiently) waiting for our next little blessing. We have been blessed with three amazing children. It’s been eleven years since our last. Like you, we weren’t exactly open to more children after number three. I had three children ages four and under, and I didn’t think I could handle anymore. Several years later, I felt the call to have more, but it took a little while longer for my husband to hear the call. We’ve been trying over a year. Your story gives me so much hope. Thank you so much. And like you said, I could never do it alone. God won’t allow us to fail!

    Reply

  46. This might just be my favorite post you’ve ever written! How beautifully put all of it is– from being open to life to imagining God chuckling–with which I totally agree:-) I’m so happy you’ve had people step forward!! They will be blessed as much as you will be! Last year a dear friend came over twice a week to teach my oldest two math and spelling so that I could simply play with my little ones. It was all a bit much at the time and I was only homeschooling two at that point. Nevertheless I felt underwater and was telling her that one day and she just offered. And it worked while I needed it and then slowly things got better. You are right- with God all things are possible! God bless you, Sarah!

    Reply

  47. Beautiful Sarah. For many reasons this was just what I needed to read today. Your babies are so blessed to be born into your lovely family. Thank you for sharing.
    Nikki

    Reply

  48. Beautiful and heart felt words, especially your commentarry on openness to life, i nearly lost my womb in my early thirties but held fast and ben and pip were conceived a few yyears later with only one tube in working order!

    Chronic health on my part has led me to wonder about the ability to home school both ben and pip. I need to be with ben one on one and pip is real fire cracker eager to learn and nneeding to be out of the house every day, so she is registered with a catholic school for september. like you we don’t have family nearby and no available friendship base to help step in.

    i am genuinly pleased that you have offers of help for as you rightly suspect it is going to be hard especially in the early days.

    sending love to you

    san xx

    Reply

  49. Such a lovely post. You have a beautiful heart, thank you so much for sharing it with us. You inspire me with your gentle thoughtfulness and you make me imagine God’s smile.

    Reply

  50. This is such an inspiring post. As I read I really could relate to this, but in a different way. This year I had been diagnosed with a chronic illness and have been struggling through my days with homeschooling and managing things. This post really helps me regain focus and perspective on Him and our purpose He has for us. Thank you so much for this beautiful post. Peace, Tracey

    Reply

  51. What a beautiful post, Sarah. Thank you for being so honest and sharing what you’ve learned. When I was younger and my mom was homeschooling us she’d encourage other moms who were afraid to homeschool reminding them that the grace arrives with the box of books. In other words, don’t worry about not being able to handle it. God gives you the grace to do His will at the time that you need it. I’ve never forgotten those words. Sometimes I fail miserabley at following through so it’s a good reminder. Thx again for sharing. Praying for you. :-)

    Reply

  52. Oh wow!! Thank you for sharing, what an incredible post!!! So beautifully said, and now, well you’ve reminded me to trust.

    So very thrilled God has sent these women into your lives:)

    Reply

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *