We’re Looking for Glue (or: Why Reading Aloud Matters)
Reading aloud for 100 days in a row without missing a single day is no small feat. Actually, doing anything for 100 days in a row is no small feat. We are human, after all.
In The Reading Promise: My Father and the Books We Shared, Alice Ozma tells the true story of her father, who decided to read aloud to her for at least ten minutes each day- without missing a single day- for 100 days in a row. They called it the Reading Streak.
The Streak lasted a lot longer than they expected- 3,218 days, to be exact, without missing a single one. That’s nearly eight years. Think of all the stories and books shared over that amount of time!
But what strikes me most when reading Alice’s memoir isn’t the number of days or the quantity of books she shared with her father.
What strikes me is the glue
She says it best herself: “The books were important, but the conversations they started and the bonds they created are what really matter.”
Parenting is difficult.
Often, I am pressed for time by a long list of to-do’s. Keeping up with the laundry, the soccer game schedule, the math drill, the dentist appointments, and the dishes keeps me more occupied than I’d like. After all, I have half a dozen kids- there are quite a lot of them and there’s only one of me.
It isn’t unusual for me to get to the end of the day and realize I haven’t made a good heart connection with one (or more) of my kids.
I’ve been wrapped up in my work, my chores, the homeschooling lesson plans, the leaky faucet and the last-minute run to the grocery store.
When I’m struggling to connect with my kids- especially the tweens and teens- when they are driving me crazy more often than they are pulling on my heartstrings, I find it difficult to spend quality time with them.
“I need to make time to connect with that child tomorrow,” I’ll say to myself as the my head hits the pillow, later than it ought. I’ll make plans to have a conversation with her- though that can be difficult to do when tensions are running tight.
Perhaps we could play a board game? We all love board games.
But when a child is routinely getting on my nerves, it won’t necessarily be fixed just because you are now on opposite side of the Monopoly board.
A different kind of energy
But reading aloud requires a different kind of energy. Very little of it, for starters. All I must do is break open the cover, and suddenly my children and I are transported to another time and place— together.
We’re seeing through the same lens, hooking arms on an adventure. We’re experiencing something bigger than ourselves, and we’re doing it side-by-side.
Just like glue, it’s incredibly bonding- it cements our relationship, even when I can’t muster up the superhuman virtue I need to make a meaningful connection.
We’ve got enough evidence to prove that reading aloud with our kids will improve their academic ability, grow their communication skills, and enhance their thinking patterns.
But I think most of us are after more than that. We want something more important than academic success.
We’re looking for glue.
And that’s what Alice tells us reading aloud gave her.
When I remember the promise I made to and with my father, the books are key players. But the star was, and always will be, the man who read them and the devotion he showed me by reading them aloud.
Reading to someone is an act of love. This book is, above all else, a love story.
When my children are grown and gone, they won’t likely mind that their childhood included dishes piled in the sink, or that I never ever reached the bottom of the laundry basket.
They probably won’t remember much about the math worksheets, the writing assignments, or that we never seemed to get around to as many science experiments as we had hoped.
They probably won’t realize how much time I spent worrying about whether I was a good enough mother- whether I was giving them what they needed, whether I was offering enough of myself.
They’ll remember the stories
I hope they’ll be wandering through a bookshop 20 years from now and see the cover of a book we read all those years ago.
They’ll remember that we sipped hot cocoa while reading it. That we read during the chaos of an ordinary morning, when the house was a mess and the babies were crying but I stopped the world from turning for just a small bit of time, so that we could find out what happened to Edward Tulane next on his epic adventure.
They’ll remember that I loved them, and that I did it best through the pages of our favorite books.
Because while the books themselves are important, the bonds that we create through their pages are what will stand the test of time.
(P.S. I had a wonderful conversation with Alice about the impact her father’s reading had on her. You can listen to it right here.)
Love this. The reason I’ve always loved reading to my kids is because of the memories of my own childhood. That special, magical time when my mom or dad would sit with me and read a new or favorite book. That loving bond that continues still and that I am making with my own kids. Thank you for sharing.
I loved this – especially the part where in the midst of an ordinary morning, while there are dishes in the sink and babies crying, that you made the world stop for just a little while. I sometimes have a hard time sitting down to read if the kitchen is a mess or there is something else glaringly obvious that needs to be done. I’m working on that though.
My parents read to us almost every single day when we were growing up. When we were old enough, we read to the younger ones. It was almost written in stone that we would have a story.
Now we all read to our kids every single day, too. And yes, we look along the library shelves and go, “oh, I remember that one!”
I can’t imagine my childhood without that time with our parents every single day.
Love this so much! Yes, sometimes the energy flows from the book to us, not the other way around. That sometimes only happens with good books, though. Thanks to the many artists who give us their stories and their energy.
What a beautiful post! I love the way that reading aloud cements our relationships with our kids, but also strengthens their relationships to each other: no matter how different their personalities and interests, reading books aloud as a family gives siblings a shared wealth of characters and adventures and scenery to draw from as they play. I just love listening to my girls as they incorporate characters from our read-alouds into their games (like Laura and Lucy and Persimmony Smudge)! :)
Beautiful.
I undertook to read aloud David Copperfield to my 5, 8, and 10 YO this year. 1200 pages later, it was the best thing. It was an experience we’ll always remember. There were so many wonderful conversations and life lessons based on the characters and their experiences that the kids related to in our daily lives. Definite glue.
Wow, wow, wow. So inspiring.
We were eating breakfast this morning and the eight year was talking about Traddles, one of the characters, just as if he was a neighbor. It was wonderful.
Sarah, I have to say that reading aloud is one of the best parts of our homeschool. I love how you say “We’re seeing through the same lens, hooking arms on an adventure. We’re experiencing something bigger than ourselves, and we’re doing it side-by-side.”
So true! Thanks for reminding us!
Thank you Sarah what a great post. Comforting to know that in those moments of chaos as all young families go through; there is something that can stop the world out side a good book to connect with your kids.
For some reason the way you phrased this post made me think of how C.S. Lewis described phileo (or brotherly) love in The Four Loves. If I remember right, it’s the love that comes from the shoulder to shoulder doing of something together. No wonder reading together is such great glue for our relationships! :)
Now I’m grabbing that one off my shelf, because I have it but haven’t read it!
Owning the book is half the battle. :) I hope you are recovering well!!
So needed today. And I was actually thinking of that the other day-we’re in what I like to call a “growing period” where I not only want to squeeze my kids but I want to SQUEEZE them. I wondered, ‘what would happen if instead of yelling at them I just sat and read with them?’ I think this affirms that epiphany. Thank you for it!
Hahahahaha! I can totally relate to wanting to SQUEEEZE them. :) I laughed out loud when I read that.
I love Edward Tulane! And I love this post. I got teary eyed. I love reading to my 3 daughters ages 6, 4, and 1. Thank you for sharing this list! I’m going to share it on my Facebook!
This post is an answer to a prayer. I’ve been struggling with the emotional work out mothering and feeling guilty about it. This is just what I needed to read. My husband read to my kids every night before bed. I need to be mute consistent during the day as well. Thank you for the encouragement.
Yes! I’m not sure how much of this mothering thing I’m doing well but reading…I got that! My daughter absolutely loves books! I love books!
Also for me it’s a treat because I’m discovering all of them with her for the first time because I wasn’t born and raised in America. Here is an exemple of how reading Charlotte’s web affected me: http://www.sarahbadatrichardson.com/a-pig-a-spider-and-lifelong-friends/
PS: And DD told me she liked the way I read Wizard of Oz better than the audiobook read by Anne Hathaway! Ha ☺️
That is a superb compliment! :) Clicking over to your post now…
This article is excellent and true. Now I know why I am feeling disconnected and uneasy this summer. During the school year we have 3 read-aloud times built into our routine: one first thing in the morning, one around the lunch table, and another at bedtime. In the summer our routine vanishes and we haven’t been reading aloud at all. Thank you for helping me to see what we are missing. Reading aloud as a family is certainly the “Gorilla Glue” of our family.
Sarah,
I attest to your article. My father would read aloud to me and my five siblings after dinner, most often in the winter. The Little House Series, Cheaper By the Dozen, The Dog who Wouldn’t Be, Patrick McMannus. And those stories we still carry with us and still talk about to this day, even decades later. They glued us together better than a trip to Colorado, or a date night with Dad, or even working on a project together, which also knit people together. We dreamed those stories at night, discussed the stories over brushing our teeth, talked about the stories, and brought key phrases up for years as family inside jokes. I married, read to my husband, then my two children when they arrived. All the same books and many, many different books. And if I ask my children what is their favorite memories, they both reply, “Mom, you reading aloud to me.” But Dad didn’t stop reading aloud when we left home. When Dad would visit, out would come a book, and he would read to us. And then I began reading whole books to him and us when Dad came to visit, or we went on vacation together. We laughed and talked so much about those books. I turned into the reader, paying him back for all those memories and time he read to us. Funny thing though, he would still read to us a few times during his visits. He read aloud to us during a visit to my sister and her 40 year old fiance. When Dad got done reading the story, my sister’s fiance thanked my Dad and said here he was 40 years old and it was the first time someone had read aloud to him. It was not something his father, or anyone, had ever done. A few months later my dad died. And my sister’s finance’s comment was, “your dad cared enough for me to read aloud to me. It is something I will always treasure.”
That’s beautiful…brought tears to my eyes.
Mine, too! Thanks for sharing.
Oh my! Tears.
This was lovely. I’m usually pretty good with reading to the kids on school days, but unfortunately on weekends and vacations I do let the busyness of life get in the way, and it rarely happens. Thanks for the reminder!
I read this book 3 years ago and it inspired my then 8 year old son and I to start a reading streak. We are still going and have not missed a day for 3 years!! Truly powerful.
Wow! That’s great!
Fantastic! ! Thank you so much for sharing. Ten minutes is so doable!!
Yes, the glue. It has made wonderful lasting memories for our family for years now.
We have 9 kids – ages just turned 1 through a just finished second year of college 19 year old. We still talk about all the books we’ve read over the years.
We’ve been blessed to have our 19 year old home during his first two years of college although he and our 18 year old will be going a couple hours away next year to finish their schooling. I was able to read aloud to the 19 year old through the first half of his first college year. The 18 year old is still home just enough to have a read aloud going with me and the youngers. When they both graduated, I must admit it was the last read aloud that got my tears over the homeschool graduation ceremony. So glad I took all that time all those years to read and read and read! Great memories!
This is beautiful, Rebecca.
I love this! It’s so true that we all struggle to connect with our kids consistently although we want to with all our hearts. Reading is such a great way to bring everyone together and just enjoy a few moments of time standing still. 💜
Thank you, Sarah! What a beautiful reminder. Just yesterday I felt like such a monumental failure as a mom. These stories we share with our kids, they do matter so much, and the bonds created are real. Thank you for the reminder.