Do It Afraid
Sometimes you just need to jump in. At least I do. We could wait until our checklists are perfected and the pencils are sharpened and the books are stacked neatly on the shelves.
But learning is the art of living well, and sometimes it’s better to jump in with both feet and shore up the details as you go.
The first day of each new school year is always something of a chaotic wonder. Last year it was good and messy and crazy and pretty much perfect.
This year I’m layering things in at a much slower pace. Wiser women than I have long said that the first day never goes as planned, and I think that’s true.
Without a doubt, the greatest challenge to our year is going to be keeping up with little people.
Those boys are getting pretty hard to tell apart these days. Sometimes I have to pause for a moment before calling out a name, and that never used to happen. I definitely can’t tell them apart from behind like I used to.
We’re seeing some distinctions in personality which are pretty cute, though, like Becket’s tendency to bite when he means to kiss, and his whimpering pity face. Emerson does this little shake-back-and-forth move while making a staccato noise that gives him away. And he wakes up a million times at night still.
Okay, they both do that, actually.
[sigh]
Where was I going with this post? Oh, right. On jumping in.
Last week, I watched a webinar on writing, and one of the things the webinar host said at the very end was something like, “I know you’re afraid, but do it anyway. Do it afraid. We all just need to do it afraid.“
So here we are, staring our calendar square in the face and running out of excuses to put off starting.
I say just leap in. It isn’t going to be perfect- it won’t be even if you try to make it so, so just do your best and let God feed the 5,000 with your measly basket of loaves and fish.
You’re terrified? Well, so am I. So are all the homeschooling moms who have been doing this hard thing of tending to little hearts and minds day in and out over the long haul.
We’re all afraid that we’ll mess up, we’ll lose our temper, or we’ll forget to teach them something big.
Forget February- I struggle most with homeschooling doubt every September. I watch Pinterest load up with back to school photos, see neighbor kids show off their new backpacks and lunchboxes, and I wonder if I’m making some grand mistake.
I talk myself round and round and round every single year because I am overthrown by waves of doubt and worry and fear that I’m getting something wrong.
But every year, I do it afraid.
And I want you to know- we’re all in this together. If you are doing it afraid too- well, you’re not alone. I’m right there with you.
It’s good to know I am not alone feeling this way. Everything in the this post describes the way I am feeling. Thanks a lot.
Sarah Mackenzie- I totally LOVE you. You sure captured my thoughts today. Today was our first FULL-ON homeschool day for this year. We’ve been doing a “soft start” which has been good, but basically not quite real life. Today I woke with high aspirations, as we’ve been schooling for a few weeks already (reminder it was a soft start), and this is our fourth year. So, what could go wrong??? I’m as ready as i can be, which is never ready enough, and yet more ready with lists than I will EVER need. Within minutes of the first cuddles this morning it was as if a thunder cloud entered our home and a torrential downpour of rain showered down! The bad moods/attitudes began. And guess what….we have an ONLY child. It’s just him and ME to blame for the moods. What a day. And yet, there was a lot of love, a lot of growth and refining. We schooled, we studied, and much happy occurred in spite of us (ME). It is with awe, wonder, and holy reverence (aka FEAR!) I do this day after day. Praise God!
I agree wholeheartedly with the back to school photos. Many of my friends post their children and then their coffee. Many times I think “What would it be like to have a quiet cup of coffee and slowly read my Bible alone?”
Then I watch the light go on when a concept suddenly makes sense. Or I get to see the irony of my son , the one who hates read or write falling in love with Latin. I would miss those moments.
I’ve been considering homeschooling my kids and I’m definitely afraid that I will totally fail and My kids will enter adulthood unable to read and write.
I finally just stopped all the check lists, organizing, and “to order” lists, and we jumped in 2 weeks ago (we school year round, but take off to harvest and can when the garden comes in).
It feels SO good to just do it and stop being paralyzed by preparation. Funny thing- my mom is a veteran public school teacher … she didn’t even “prepare” her classroom this year. She has learned in her classroom experience, it doesn’t matter! The kids will come, the subjects will be there, relationships form, and learning ensues.
This is the attitude I am taking for my homeschool this year. Thank you for all your encouraging words, posts, podcasts … you are a blessing to many!
Love this! It takes courage to follow a path you’ve never trod before! This was beautifully illustrated to our small family on a recent, (too thrilling) canoe trip a few days after we’d just finished our first year homeschooling 1st grade. IT was a tough school year (doing it afraid)…so I’d planned an end of year hoorah -mini-vacay to visit Laura Ingalls Homestead before a one-day canoe trip. Being a novice canoist myself, I felt confident with my husband’s expert skills aboard. But little did we know the currents would be tricky, and every set of riffles uncertain. We took a dump early in our trip! THANK GOD we were all safe, especially our daughter! From there on – our eyes looked as far ahead as we could see…we really learned to read the waters. We’d stop and recollect before heading into an uncertain riffle – and evaluate the snags, etc. Sometimes we’d walk our way through. All along we were surrounded by gorgeous sites of nature and assured of God’s grace with us in riding the smoother currents of the river. A great blue heron was seen repeatedly far ahead of us – as if sent by God to show us the way. A dragonfly rode along our daughter’s wrist when she was most afraid…. Thanks be to God we made it through the trip safely. …a bit shook up – but braver, and more courageous for the act of doing it afraid.
Thank you for sharing! September isn’t as hard for me because the weather is usually so beautiful and I feel horrible for all those kids who have to miss out on enjoying it because they are struck inside a classroom. But, February… and March, oh my goodness. I am freaking out. I haven’t done enough. They haven’t learned enough. I don’t see the growth I should see. Ahh. And I really do feel that way. I think bc we are so close, it’s sometimes hard to see the progress. I won’t relax fully until I get their standardized test results. How sad is that? And I’m worried those won’t turn out and I’ll have failed. Sigh
Thank you for this post and your transparency….I’m right here, here in this post.
Really great advice that can be applied to every aspect of our lives
Thank you, Sarah. This is exactly what I needed today!
Love!
Okay I’m sitting in a puddle of tears over here. What is wrong with me!? Haha Glad to know I’m not alone!❤
Thank you so much for your real but encouraging homeschool posts. I’m so there right now watching everyone go “back to school…”
Ohh thank you so much for writing this!!
All the kids and families starting school has really gotten me unhinged. I used to feel so confident and now I feel inadequate.
My husband told me to tell “Satan to get behind me!” And I feel such relief !!
The devil wants us to worry , doubt , and get off course. When I look at if God is happy with our days , I think he is , it’s really quality and I’m on my third year of rereading teaching from rest.
It’s good to hear that we all have those doubts! Thank you for your honesty
I was so afraid. It was a the first year homeschooling was legal in my state. Did you know it used to be illegal? I wouldn’t let my children out of the house during school hours. Was I teaching them correctly? I had no way of knowing. I knew a few others that were doing it but no books had been written, there was no curriculum of any kind available. But, I did it afraid, and two children passed into adulthood with character, passion, and a willingness to continue to learn more all the time. Do it afraid! You will reap the rewards.
Thank you so much for sharing your story, Barbara! It’s so good to hear from mamas who have finished this good work.
Thanks. I really needed to hear this.
Just so perfect and what I needed! I’m doing it afraid! I thought the fear was why I shouldn’t do it at all. But this is a great perspective. And to know I am not alone.
Wow I needed to read this today! This is my first year and seeing all my friends send their littles off to school really sparked some doubts for me…but I know this is what God is calling us to. Maybe I need to get in with a group of homeschool moms!
Thanks for this post! I have been homeschooling for 13 years, but this year I am feeling unprepared and behind before I even begin. I’ve decided to jump in and allow us a full week to transition, instead of implementing the full schedule on day 1. Thanks for your encouragement and real life example.
Thank you for this. Just what I needed today.
Beautiful. Thank you.
Oh man, I am living this “do it afraid!” I see all my past failures and wonder how I can do it better. But then I get a glimpse of who these little people are becoming and I relax and think, they are not turning out just ok, but worlds better. God loves to make beauty out of messes.
I totally relate. Totally. Thanks for posting this. Doing it afraid right along with you.
Thank you for this lovely post, we start homeschooling again this week, and it’s like you are in my head right now.😊
I will indeed do it afraid, and believe God to increase my humble efforts!
I just love you sweet Mackenzie! You encourage me so!
I love this! It’s 9:22 am and I’ve printed off our “First Day of” pages for pictures but I keep telling myself I’m not ready, I need more summer, more planning, more organization but I know I just need to jump in. This post was what I needed this morning- thank you!
I love your book, Teaching From Rest. It’s the one homeschool book that I think everyone should read and that has really helped me the most. I bought it for Kindle but may purchase the hard copy just so I can have it on my coffee table for easy access during crazy busy days. I’m also writing a review of it for a guest post for a homeschooling blog.
I was out of town for a funeral and was planning on ordering tickets for Wild and Free as soon as I got back but they are sold out now. :( Maybe next year!
….so will it be easier this year?..
. ;)
I can’t believe I haven’t found all these good posts until now. I guess God knew when I needed them.
Thanks for the encouragement as I jump into our 5th year of homeschool.
Great reminder. Do it Afraid. Works for homeschooling and life. If we wait until we have it all together and know how to best do it, we will never do it. And what better example can we show our kids, than doing it afraid?
Love this post! I’ll be new to homeschooling this year and doubt, worry, and afraid keep creeping their way into my brain! I am constantly reminding myself why I’m going to do this. I have had several moms tell me to write down my vision of homeschooling and my “why” so that I can keep reminding myself when I am afraid. Thank you For putting it out there!
Sarah Mackenzie you’ve hit it! Thanks for your encouraging beautiful post of mama/teacher reality. Couldn’t have been more timely for me. :)
God meets us and does His supernatural thing when we lay our afraid at His feet. Love it.
As usual, Sarah, you share something that is speaking to my heart in the moment… and BLESS you for it. Just this evening I was praying through the year, wrestling with doubts, giving those doubts over to God, praying that I’m not ruining my daughter’s life. (You know the drill.)
So thanks! (And I read that you’re a Washingtonian. I grew up there. Please give it a hug for me — I miss it.) ;)
Thank you Sarah. It’s funny how I’m starting my 5th year as a home schooling mama, and as we get closer to school starting I get all nervous about the approaching school year. You would think by now I’d have this down, but it comes from so many of those fears you just wrote about. It’s SO good to know I’m not alone. 😉 So thanks for that reminder!
Thank you for this! I’m excited about the curriculum finally, but I’m nervous about all the stuff I need and want to get done this year. I have the ideal picture in my head, but it doesn’t always turn out that way. It’s going to be a crazy semester with 2 homeschooling, a toddler, 1in school, my singing class I teach, and my husband traveling. It makes me scared to get it all done, but I just need to do it and look on the positive.
Yes, yes, yes. “…sometimes it’s better to jump in with both feet and shore up the details as you go.” That’s the one thing I’ve learned in all our 18 years of homeschooling. Just start. Even when you don’t have all your ducks in a row, just begin with what you have. After all these years, I still have to remind myself to go ahead and jump in, and let the details get worked out as you move along. Thanks for the reminder once again as I stare down the face of empty school planners for the month of January. Btw, I’m still not starting tomorrow though. I’ve also learned to never start on Monday. It’s like an omen. lol! We start back up on Tuesday.
Thank you for your encouragement Sarah! This year I jumped in at the last minute completely blindfolded when I pulled my two struggling learners out of public school! We have a fourth grader and a second grader; neither of whom is reading at Grade Level. My eldest son is considered Cognitively Impaired and I’m thinking dyslexia for my second son. We are focusing on the basics and I am desperately trying to help them not only learn to read, but find a love of reading! It has been a huge challenge of my confidence as I feel many days like I’m dealing with too many sibling arguments in my attempts to help them learn virtues. We also have two younger children, ages 5 & 2…that makes for a busy household! I am Praying God will guide me through this as I constantly feel I am “not doing enough”…right now I’m focused on Reading, Math and a little Handwriting. It feels like it is not enough, but I find it hard to get more in! So, thanks for the encouraging words to just Do It Afraid!
Sarah, this is EXACTLY what I needed to hear. I tend to want things to be “perfect” before I start, including a school schedule. It is so comforting to know that other mamas struggle with being afraid of “not doing it right.” Thanks for your transparency and words of wisdom!
Thank you a hundred times over for telling the truth in this post. The vulnerable and tender words here are precious to me – knowing I’m not alone, yet believing that I will grow slowly to become more and more capable of this calling.
I just wrote about what the Back to School pressure does to me – how I need to take weeks off in October and February for “mental health.”
I hope that these posts encourage so many mamas to be their best self. It isn’t about getting it all perfect.
I so so needed to read this, as panicky perfectionism was just starting to set in!
Just found your blog yesterday! I love it! Thank you!! Needed that encouragement!! Starting 9th grade for the first time and I’m so afraid I’ll miss something he really needs. But now I don’t feel so alone bc we started without having all our curriculum in. I haven’t really started lesson plans. And now we are on vacation! Oh well it will all be waiting when we get back. Making memories right now!!
Thank you, Sarah. Yes, I have been doubting as I see those neighboring kids march off. Each year I wonder if we are making the right choice. At the end of the year, However, I am thankful that we chose to stay home, spend time together, read lots of books, and explore this beautiful world together.
Thank you for the encouragement you have offered. I love your posts and podcasts!
How do you know am feel! This has been my greatest struggle this year! Thanks for the encouragement!
Thank you so much for this! We are starting TODAY!! Yes, I have to get off this darn computer and get to work. Praying that God can multiply my efforts today!
Sarahhhhhh, I have told you before, but I have to say it again. I just love you and treasure your way with words. I’m due any day w/ my 4th baby and starting my 3rd year homeschooling but my first year with more than one kid. I have a second grader; and the panic I feel to make my kindergartner’s year memorable and special is REAL. So, I am afraid. And I know I’ll do it anyway, but I’m seriously scared and feeling so much pressure. Finishing reading “Teaching From Rest” for the 3rd time heading into this year has been one of the best things for me. Thank you for writing it, and thank you for keeping on writing this blog. xoxo
I have a toddler and as we are gearing up for 1st grade with the 6-year-old I’ve had many thoughts that this may be impossible. At least not possible to do it gracefully and joyfully. I did start to feel like the only HSchooler with doubts. How silly. The comments here have helped more than you’ll ever know!
THANK YOU! Needed this!
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I definitely needed to read this.
I homeschooled for 19 years and started back in 1987 when my neighbors in North Dakota were being jailed for homeschooling. Talk about doing it afraid, lol! The world will always make you feel like you’re doing something wrong because you aren’t following the herd. I think homeschooling is invaluable as a way to allow children to be themselves without fear of ridicule. None of us will do a perfect job of raising our children, but if we do the best we know how and trust God to guide us, He will honor that.
And, yes, as someone said, at least at home you know they are loved. I couldn’t bear the thought of my bright, sweet, trusting little boys getting lost in a crowd of faces in a classroom, where they might not be spoken to personally more than once or twice. A heartbreaking thought to me. Children need to be in an environment where someone is there to listen and to tell them how wonderful they are, 24 hours a day. Go, moms! :)
First year jitters here, too. Procrastinating on jumping in while waiting for official start date. Thanks for the permission to just go ahead.
Sarah!! This spoke right to my heart today. Thank you for writing this. Thank you for everything you’ve written. I feel like I have someone who understands what I’m going through as I solo this in my own community. Thank you. There aren’t enough words.
love this post!
We have had a very difficult year, a year of stops and starts. This, along with having a high schooler and a child who has dyslexia, has made the afraid levels (not to mention the doubt levels) soar through the roof. We are to start on Monday and even though I have been working on plans for the last month, I have no idea how this is all going to play out.
I signed up for Mystie’s Simplified Organization e-course (this is turning out to be an answer to prayer) and she talks about gratitude, how to turn everything into thanksgiving, into a blessing. This is helping my afraid levels. Yes, I am scared but I am also so thankful that I get to spend my days with 3 great people. I get to witness their humour, their grace, their words of wisdom and their love. For this year, this is what I need more than anything.
I’m interested in this e-course… Would you mind sharing the details?
Yes, I’m afraid all of the time and not just over school work. But then…..We were driving along post Chick Filet with the cool binoculars they got in their meals, when John (one of my twins) was searching along the road for what I could tell were the things Mommy loves. He listed so many of my favorites: humming birds, turtles, etc. It reminded me of how grateful I am that we spend enough time together to really know one another. We love so much more easily when we know, don’t we? Ah, yes, to know, love and serve.
So, yes, those backpacks are cool, but they wear out fast, if you know what I mean.
Thank you for this. We are in the middle of a cross-country move and I have a newly mobile baby and I just can’t wrap my head around school. But, we’ll jump in and do what we can do and it’ll be just exactly what it’s supposed to be.
Yes! And we’ll all pray for you, too!
Fear is not from God…and, thus, we must recognize that when fear exists, there, too, is the devil trying to keep us from doing the good work that we are called to. At least, that is what I keep telling myself. Thank you for these unifying words–it is so good to hear that we are not alone. Blessings to you on your school year! :)
Amanda,
I like the way you say that–these are “unifying” words. Yes, it does feel good to know we’re not alone. I think this blog has helped me to feel that way in general because I rarely meet people who have similar interests like I seem to see here. I wish you all were in my neighborhood, though. :-)
Stacy
Thanks for this. I feel anxious this year. We’re starting second grade, and for some reason, second grade feels so much bigger and more in need of big plans to do big things than did K or 1st. Alas. I’m not good at big planning, so I keep buying planners hoping one of them will magically plan for me. No luck so far on that front. I feel unready this year, but at the same time have big things I want us to do, like Shakespeare (I have that same Usborne book in the picture, and we have been going through the book you suggested, How to Teach your Kids Shakespeare), and piano. And math. Math stresses me out because I never feel like we have that natural good fit like with everything else, which is probably because I never felt good in math myself. Blah. Do it afraid anyway, like you said.
Me too! I keep printing out new planners hoping that by printing them out I’ll suddenly be more disciplined! Turns out I have to do more than pick activities for each time slot- I actually have to DO what they say. Such a bummer. [sigh]
Thank you. This year I’m sort of afraid I’ll never get my homeschooling motivation back. It’s a little bit frightening. But just keep going, right?
Yes, sister, just keep going. Goodness, but that’s hard when the motivation is low, isn’t it?
sigh. last year, and this year, I have not started the school year as prepared as I want to be. Last year I started anyway. We survived, but I didn’t want that again this year. We haven’t started yet, but time is running out. I will likely be jumping in too. The boys are beeyooteeful! nomnomnom
T H A N K Y O U!! Been doing this 14 years now and you’ve summed it up beautifully! God bless you.
Yes! For us, this year, it was more like gently and slowly easing in. But starting is the key.
I’m anti-grand plans this year since our plans last year were sidetracked for months unexpectedly while we had a baby in the hospital. I’m focusing on doing rather than thinking about doing, even if it’s just small lessons. It’s always better to get something small done imperfectly than to devise a beautiful, flawless plan than never gets executed.
James 4:13-15
If the Lord wills, my kids will learn something great today :).
“If the Lord wills it, my kids will learn something great today.” Man, I love that.
And I was impressed that you were dressing those boys identically until you said you were having trouble telling them apart! ;-) We color coded our boys from the very beginning. Now that they choose their own clothes our problem is that if one of them is wearing the others’ “color” (they share a dresser, shirts, etc) and we see a twin from behind, it can be very confusing! But they definitely have their own personalities. Those were evident from about two minutes after they were born!
I know! I can’t help myself! Must! Dress! Alike!
Absolutely loving it!
Fantastic advice and Soooooo refreshing. Love.
We, too, are using parts of the AAR program…. :)
have a great year, friend!!
Yep, jumping in for the 14th year! I don’t think the doubt and worry go away until they’re in college. My two oldest are in college now and doing well but amazingly I’m still worried about the younger two!
Really! Now this is helpful for me to hear. I always wonder if I’ll suddenly be Not Worried About a Thing once I’ve seen a few kids through. But this leaning on God thing has to happen the whole time, eh?
Yep, constant leaning on God. But that’s a good thing!
Very true…all of it. I have two in high school now, which makes my fear levels creep ever higher. However, I know this is what God wants of me, of us, and am trying to remember daily that He will not give me more than I can handle ( with His help of course). Thanks for an inspiring post. God bless!
Sarah, thank you so much for this post! I can’t tell you how timely it was! I’m currently sitting at the library, trying to wrap us the last of my school planning, and I am SCARED! As a matter of fact, I’m looking through your book Teaching from Rest, and loving your idea of looping school subjects! I am wondering though, how that would work with a history curriculum that’s meant to be done 4-days a week?
Well, you probably wouldn’t get through the whole thing in one year, so if that’s important to you it might not work. Maybe try looping with a subject you’re okay just progressing on even if you don’t get through a certain amount by year’s end. :)
Yes! to all of this! Having detailed checklists and schedules makes me feel like all of this is under control, when is really know it’ll never be perfect, and most days it’ll be crazy. We have a toddler in the house again after several years of not, and I’m more intimidated this time around–probably because I know what that does to a plan! Jumping in next week anyway, and thankful for all the other mamas who are doing the same. :)
Toddlers derail the plan ever so much more than babies do! I had forgotten that…
Toddlers….Lord help us all!
Thanks Sarah, I needed this today. We started last week and things have been going well, but the homeschool doubt has hit this week as I have seen the bumps coming up with some of our curriculum choices. Those little bumps lead to doubts especially as I see my friends’ kids start public school. What am I doing? AH!
Oh good! I am so happy that I am not alone :-) I am no where as ready as I would like to be, but, we are hopping in anyway and learning to swim! Love the pics of the boys. SO cute! Looks like they are pretty happy scooting around under the table too ;) Thanks for the reassurance and company, Sarah. Praying for you all.
Me too Sarah! I jumped right in this week flailing a bit with our weekly lesson plans but it all came together just the way it was meant to. Not in order, plenty of breaks, and times of just curling up with a book.
I look forward to reading more about your beautiful school year : )
Sarah, this is so encouraging and comforting as I finish up our new school year plans.
Many blessings to you as you jump in to another school year! Don’t let those backpacks and lunch boxes even give you a twinge – look what your students have under their kitchen table! Remember Papa said, “Be not afraid!” Have fun!
Oh my goodness. “Look what you have under your kitchen table.” Yes. Of course. Sometimes I need you to say things like this to me so that I can remember it when I get frazzled. :) THANK YOU! :)
“It isn’t going to be perfect- it won’t be even if you try to make it so…”
That’s ever so true. It’s not perfect anywhere, but at least at home they are loved.
Wish me luck. Today’s the first day. I’m jumping in (the deep end!).
Praying for you, Barbara! :)
I love love this, because it’s exactly how I feel, a lot, including every new school year and end. :) THANK YOU for being so real!