You’re Better at Homeschooling than You Think You Are
Over the years, I’ve had the opportunity to speak at dozens of homeschooling conventions. Speaking is an honor, of course, but getting to meet homeschooling mamas is the real treat.
I often hear a similar thread from them. It sounds something like this:
- “This is harder than I thought it would be.”
- “I can’t manage to keep up.”
- “I don’t know how to fit it all in.”
- “We’re not doing enough.”
- “I’m not doing a good enough job.”
Every single time, I want to say, “You are way, way better at this than you think you are.”
Somewhere along the way in our homeschooling journey, we all seem to start believing that if we use just the right curriculum and teach it in just the right way, if we listen to just the right experts and stick to our plans for just one year, then we’ll finally get a handle on homeschooling.
We’ll finally feel satisfied with the job we’re doing.
We’ll finally be enough.
We get caught up in checking all the boxes and making sure there are no major gaps in our children’s education.
We start looking at homeschooling methods and curriculum plans more than we look at our children. We forget we’re teaching children, not books. We’re teaching humans, not lesson plans.
We let false expectations come into our lives and take over—expectations to do more and be more, and we struggle as we try desperately to live up to expectations we were never meant to take on.
My friend Erin Loechner says something about this in her book, Chasing Slow.
She says, “The answer is not to lower the expectations we have created. The answer is to live up to the expectations we have been created for. Live up to the expectation that you are what your child needs” (emphasis mine).
If you are a homeschooling mama who feels:
- She isn’t doing a good enough job . . .
- Homeschooling doesn’t look like you thought it was supposed to . . .
- It’s all more cumbersome and frustrating and far more joyless than you hoped . . .
- You just aren’t living up to the expectations set out for you . . .
Then ask yourself:
Whose expectations are you trying to live up to?
Are you trying to live up to the expectations thrust on you by your lesson plans, your homeschool co-op, your in-laws, your parents, your school district . . . or yourself?
You cannot serve two masters. So whose “Well done” are you working for?
God is not asking us do this homeschooling thing perfectly. He’s never asked us to do this homeschooling thing perfectly.
He is not asking us to make sure our kids have memorized their times tables by a certain age. He is not asking us to make sure our children have read a particular list of books before they graduate, get a particular score on the SAT, read at the fourth grade reading level when they are in the so-called “fourth grade,” or perform any other such feat in order to prove that they are getting a better education than they would otherwise.
This is what He asks of all of us: To love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. And to love your neighbor as yourself.
Education, then, is for love.
Somehow, I don’t think God is impressed when our kids outperform their peers. I’m not sure He’s most concerned with whether our kids can translate Latin to English or read the fattest books with the greatest ease. I’m not convinced that He wants math curriculum to keep me up at night, as I toss and turn and worry about whether my child is doing enough, becoming enough, excelling enough.
But He is pleased beyond measure when my child loves and is loved. That’s what He asked me to do, after all.
Do you know why I bet you’re doing exceedingly well, even if I’ve never met you?
Even if you didn’t get to half of the plans you made for your last homeschool year?
I bet you loved your kids more than any other human walking the face of the earth loved them.
I bet you laughed with your children once or twice. Cried with them too, most likely. I bet you offered a hug, a smile, a listening ear, a late-night tuck-in. I bet your child went to bed at night knowing they are wildly loved by you, and in turn, that they are wildly loved by God.
See? You’re better at this than you thought.
All that other stuff comes along for the ride. The memory work, the read-alouds, the math drills, the paragraph edits, the history timelines and science experiments and oral presentations and spelling words: it is all good, but it isn’t nearly as important as you probably think.
But YOU. You are.
If I could look every single mom at that homeschooling convention in the eye, I would tell her the same thing: YOU. ARE. AMAZING.
And you’re better at this than you think you are.
So keep on. Make your plans for another homeschooling year. Know that you won’t check all the boxes, you won’t finish all the books, you won’t be able to live up to the expectations you are setting for yourself today, and that’s OK.
Live up to the expectation you’ve been created for. The expectation that you, simply loving your children and coming alongside them as their greatest ally, is more important than all the rest.
And you’re better at it than you thought.
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top photo credit: Graeme Pitman
I so needed this today. Yesterday my mother (a retired teacher) told me my 8 year old would do better in public school and we should put him in a grade behind where he “should be.” This was mostly due to him not enjoying writing and grammar and having some difficulty with division. She also said he needs a quiet place to focus and more social interaction- which I tried to explain would not be any better in a traditional school setting. I needed to hear that he is ok, that we are ok, and that it’s fine if his progression isn’t linear. Thank you for this!
I don’t feel like homeschooling is hard or that I can’t keep up. I don’t feel like I can’t fit it all in or that we’re not doing enough. I don’t feel like I’m not doing a good job. I love our curriculum and the community support we have. Despite all of these things, this is just what I needed to read! Thank you for redirecting me to remember that my children need to be loved, feel love, and to love. THAT is what God wants us to learn.
This is such a blessing, thank you!
Love. This!!!! :)
Thank you so much for this post. This one hit close to home: “He is not asking us to make sure our kids have memorized their times tables by a certain age.” Still working on that one. Thanks for the reminding me that I can let go of that now and continue on with our lives.
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HOMESCHOOL DADS TOO!!!!
Thank you for such encouraging words! But I absolutely have to give praise to the homeschool daddies out there, my amazing husband being one of them. I don’t think they get nearly enough credit, encouragement, praise, acknowledgement, etc. than they deserve. Homeschooling seems to be a female-dominated domain; I would just love to remind us that dads play an enormous part of the journey.
LOVE LOVE LOVE your attitude! We have been homeschooling for four years now and I always struggle with being confident that what I am doing is enough. I am so glad that I found your blog:)
I would love if you would check out our upcoming journey as I will be utilizing some of your tools (relaxing while homeschooling with be the big one). We are about to travel across the 48 contiguous states with learning and serving as our primary focuses.
http://www.ottofarmontheroad.com https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCTTiU2TUa8tmQcXMA1rQ7mQ
thank you. i needed to read that.
Amen sister! Thank you!!
I never comment on emails or blogs. But, this really spoke to my heart tonight and I thank you..
Wow! I haven’t even started homeschooling yet, and I so needed this! Thank you for being transparent and encouraging!
Thank you! This year was such a struggle for me, and it’s a great reminder to remember what I was called to do. God wants us all to learn and grow, but in what…? Yes it’s good to be able to do those things because it will help us in this life but you helped remind me why he asked me to homeschool. He wanted me to teach my children about Him and how to love one another. Love is the greatest commandment. Thank you again for the reminder!
Thank you. I needed to read this today! -Struggling mom of 5 ages 7 and under… feeling all the pressures to “just send the oldest ones to school so you’re not so overwhelmed with the younger ones”
You choke me up often, Sarah. Love your writing and love you!
Thank you I needed that.
Sarah,
Thank you for this word. It is just what I needed to hear.
It’s been such a hard year. One of my pre-teen daughters has been struggling with significant anxiety. In the midst of that, we had to put in a huge effort to move my elderly mother to an assisted living facility near us. There have been so many emotions, and I’ve felt so much shame over homeschooling and parenting in general. I haven’t even wanted to listen to RAR because I couldn’t handle the pain of wanting to try a new idea in a season when we were struggling just to manage the basics.
But there is amazing news! After several months, we found a new counselor and my daughter turned a huge corner in her anxiety. My mother is happily settled in her new place. We even took a family trip to England (which we thought we might have to cancel due to all the emotional chaos) and we thrived through it.
And — we read aloud every day. This was always a lifeline and a source of comfort for all of us.
Now that the school year is over, I feel like we’ve been through a tornado. I’m looking around and trying to pick up the pieces, but it is hard to know how to start.
Your words are reminding me that we have a LOT to celebrate and be grateful for. I’ll need to make some tweaks moving forward, but we have a solid foundation of love.
So, thank you for encouraging this Mama. I really needed it.
(((hugs)))
Ann
Thank you Sarah… this mama needed to hear this today!
Thank you! I really needed to hear this today. Here’s to to happy Summer. Christ’s blessings to you and yours.
You are SO right! I homeschooled my 2 daughters for 14 years, and worried the whole time that I wasn’t doing enough. Now that they are in their 30’s and raising their own precious children, I can see the fruit of my labor (and God’s amazing grace):
1) they are loving, kind, beautiful inside-and-out women who love Jesus
2) they love to learn (one of my main goals)
3) they love being moms (yay, I passed the torch of passion for motherhood!)
4) they are smart, funny, fun, creative, and tenacious
5) they have integrity and godly character
They haven’t always made choices that I agree with, and I had to come to grips with the fact that homeschooling is not a “formula” to produce a perfect child, but I look back and thank God for the gift of homeschooling and all the memories we built.
I taught my girls to read. We read aloud a lot! We went on the most awesome family vacations while everyone else was in school. Yes, I cried a lot and wondered if I could do yet another year, but this is what God called me to do, and I was faithful to do my part and raise them “in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.” I didn’t do it perfectly (but no schooling approach can cover every single thing), and I wasn’t always patient and gentle (but this made me human), but I have no regrets over the years I poured into them. Our family is very close to this day.
My encouragement is to hang in there, put love and character above math and history, pray a lot, give yourself grace, and when you’re totally stressed out, take a day off and go have fun together! In the grand scheme of things, much more will be gained than lost by not having your noses in the books but instead being out in the fresh air!
The most important things are sometimes easiest to forget because we are broken people. What a great reminder of why we are all doing this!!
Needed to hear this…tonight..thanks a bunch😄
wow, have you ben in my head? I know the Lord put this here tonight for me… just for me as I struggle with my decision to continue homeschooling or put him in school. Thank you Thank you Thank you for telling me I am ok. as a single mother working full time And homeschooling my 12 year old boy i think…”This is hard…” but worth the relationship I am building with my child. Thank you
I sooo needed to hear this today… I have 2 kids I’m homeschooling; along with a 3 year old set of twins who seem determined to sabotage every effort I make to get school work done.: I was going to ring my local school because I felt like I was hindering my kids ability to succeed in life. But after reading this I felt so much more encouraged. God love you Sarah McKenzie…
Great reminder as I am struggling with how much school to do over the summer. My son is only 5.5 but has made great progress in writing his letters and I don’t want him to lose that over a long summer break. On the other hand we are having a great time playing inside and outside and I hate to pull him away from that.
I can’t stop the tears!! I needed to hear this because so many times I want to give up but I know God is in control! I am enough! Thank you so so much for this!!
Oh my stars, I am in tears. Thank you for this much needed message. I needed this today!
Thank you, Thank you, Thank you!!!!!!!
As if you’ve read my mind. Thank you for putting it in perspective– the reason why we homeschool. Thank you for the reminder!
I want to stand and applaud.
So. Well. Said.
It is so easy to get our priorities rearranged and forget why we’re doing this homeschool thing in the first place. For our family, we homeschool so we can connect with and love on our kids in this fleeting childhood season. It’s not about the checklists, it’s about the life well lived together. Thank you, thank you for the excellent reminder!
So encouraging! I am reading through Teaching from Rest and am so enjoying it. Our family is nearly done with our homeschool journey and I wish I had read your book earlier. However, I am getting it into the hands of some friends who are just starting out, so I know it will bless them! Thanks for all you do! P.S. I have six kids with twin boys at the end too! Mine are 14 years old!
I have been Home Schooling for going on 18 years, and every year has looked different. Bravo to a great post!
Pure wisdom. Thank you!
Thank you Sarah, I can not tell you how timely this post was. It was just the encouragement I was seeking today with a silent prayer in my heart.
I’m speechless. Did we talk together…..you and I? Did you get a glimpse of me through my window? Did you live-stream my brain? Sarah…..I am printing this post out, putting it into my planner and I am going to make sure that I read it to myself at LEAST once a month. Thank you for your beautiful words…so true, so needed. As I sit here with my coffee, curriculum spread all over, scopes and sequences up to here, panic rising (though I’ve done this for how long now?) because we HAVE to be on our game, because my parents are moving in, because you-don’t-know-what-8-times-9-is?because, because, because. But after I read your post, I went to see what the boys were doing….my 11 year old is feeding his grandfather ice-cream, then wheeling him out to see the avocado tree. He doesn’t remember him, but tomorrow he’ll want ice-cream again and he’ll want to see that avocado tree again. And we’ll love and be loved over and over again. And 8 times 9 is 72….again. Bless you, Sarah.
♡♡♡
This post was an answer to my prayers. God spoke right to my heart as I read your words. Thank you, so much, for writing.
Thank you for a great reminder
Tears in my eyes….thanks for speaking this truth I needed to hear today.
Thanks a million.
Such an awesome post! So encouraging because it is truth! Thank you for reminding me that God is in control of my homeschool and my children. And I don’t have to try to be or do everything “perfectly.” (And then feel guilty because I obviously never can.) Just trust in Him…Thank you for the inspiration. I’m going to pass this on to my homeschool group. :-)