The Question to Answer Before Your Head Hits the Pillow Tonight
Here is something you don’t know about me: My greatest fear isn’t spiders, snakes, or small spaces. I’m not afraid of flying. I’m not afraid of heights.
More than anything, I’m afraid that one day, my children will be grown and gone, and I will regret the choices I made while raising them.
Here’s another thing: Aside from wanting to do a knockout job at this parenting thing (daunting as that is), I really really want to enjoy raising my kids. I don’t want to look back and realize, twenty years from now, that those active parenting years went by fast and I didn’t relish them.
I’m terrified I’ll wish I had been less distracted and more attentive. I’m afraid I’ll come to the realization—when it’s too late to change anything—that I should have been more present.
I don’t want to wish I had enjoyed it more.
The days I have to raise my children while they are still under my roof—and the days you have to raise yours—are finite. And I have big dreams for these small peeps:
I hope that, when they are grown, they’ll love God.
I hope they’re prepared for whatever life throws their way.
I want them to be loving and compassionate, and to know that they have what it takes to be kinder than necessary, to live with heroic virtue.
Maybe more than anything, I hope that—even after they’ve moved on to lead their own adult lives—they’ll still want to come home for Christmas.
We are raising our children in a difficult time, you and me.
The world moves at a faster, louder, more chaotic pace than ever before. As parents who long to make meaningful and lasting connections with our kids, we’re competing with the noise of the entire world.
We’re sitting here, whispering fervently, hoping they’ll hear us.
We’re desperate to make a meaningful and lasting bond with our kids before it’s too late.
In The Read-Aloud Handbook, Jim Trelease makes the case that reading aloud is the single best investment of our parental time and energy.
Over the past several years, I’ve dug into this idea on the Read-Aloud Revival podcast. In all of those conversations, and in my own experience as I struggle through this whole motherhood thing myself, I’ve come to understand something that both surprises and relieves me:
Reading aloud is indeed the single best and most impactful thing we can do with our kids today.
It may seem too simple to be effective, too easy to make that big of an impact, but the stories I hear from families all over the world, the results of data collected by experts, and my personal experience of sharing stories in my home with my own six children has convinced me beyond a shadow of a doubt.
See, parenting offers no guarantees.
We don’t know how our kids will turn out, even if we do a bang-up job.
But that doesn’t matter—not really. We’re not going all-in on our kids because we are promised excellent results.
We’re going all-in on them because they mean more to us than anything in the world.
And isn’t it a relief to know that—as overwhelming and intimidating as this parenting gig is—the most effective way to rock it is simply to sit down with your child and read from the pages of a book?
I’m going to make sure I do just that before my head hits the pillow tonight.
And now I’ve got a question to ask you about the most important thing you can do with your kids today:
Are you in?
P.S. You want to get your hands on my book, The Read-Aloud Family: Making Meaningful and Lasting Connections with Your Kids
Yessss!
You spoke straight to my mama heart. Thanks for that, I think most of us needed to read these words.
(Hugs.)
Peace keep you, dear one!
As the mother of a 15 year old, the time of regrets is already here, despite having been a very involved mother. So many worries took away from the every day joy of mothering and schooling. If I had it to do over, I would throw out those worries- the ones that I could. Though I did not see it at the time, there were some that could have been eliminated. People in my life who caused much of the stress, in some cases I could and should have walked away from. In the instance that cutting someone out of my life was not possible, it was still possible to disengage to a large degree.
Now, the fun of life with a 15 year old is always threatened by those burdens of high school that we must meet, or else. I am trying to make those subjects fit as much as possible into the way she likes to learn. Lots of reading, sketching, writing… Of course, Algebra is just a do it and get it over with kind of thing, still. Interestingly, I read that Sally Clarkson once said that her children did very little math in the high school years, and that they hired a tutor to prep them for the SAT, and that they did well. Also, I am noticing that many colleges that we are considering in the future put emphasis on SAT scores, virtually none on transcripts.
Perfect reminder on a Sunday! Thanks Sarah, love your podcast, the kids and I listen to it while in the car and love it too. :) YOU ROCK!
Since my kids are all grown and thankfully turned out to be kind and compassionate, by the grace of God, I can truly understand your “wants” for your kids. The best thing I can do for them now is the same thing I strove to do with them as kids……spend time with them! The raising them years truly is finite!
You know, Sarah, the hardest thing about parenthood is when your kids are teenagers and begin to make some of their own decisions and have their own opinions. It’s way harder than the hectic, full-on life when they are little. People always told me that and I didn’t believe them. I have nine children, ranging from 20 to 2 years. My eldest just left home to go flatting with friends, and that day, I felt was the beginning of loosening my grip, and I panicked to think that they would all leave someday. Of course I got over myself (!) because my daughter is capable, sensible and strong but I felt the overwhelming urge to concentrate on my life at present with the younger ones. It will be over one day and I will be rearranging my life into a new normal, and I don’t want to have regrets.
So, as I organise my kids’ work for the next couple of homeschooling weeks, darn it, I am going to include less Maths (well, a bit anyway…) and lots more good books. Thank you for the encouraging post.
Thanks for sharing your heart. You have wonderful hopes for your children. What I love about reading aloud to my kids is that it forces me to put aside my agenda, slow down and just be present with them. I want my kids to have sweet memories of cuddling on the couch with mom and dad and a good book!
Wow wow wow !!! I feel so concviected and inspired at the same time. Yes I do want to enjoy raising my kids. Thank you Sarah
Aww!!! Just what this mama needed to hear this morning Sarah :) Thank you from the bottom of my heart for everything you have done and shared with us at Read Aloud Revival :)) My life will never be the same!!! Hope you have a wonderful weekend ahead <3
Thank you for your heart-felt encouragement, Sarah! I’m in! :)
Well said!
We are listening to Farmer Boy right now. And yesterday we were both (w my 7 yo DD) giggling with anticipation waiting to see if Ma would notice the big black splat on the wall of her parlor.
I know these moments will stay with us (common culture right?)
I wrote an essay about why I want to share books with my daughter:
http://www.sarahbadatrichardson.com/an-army-to-keep-her-safe/
Thanks for what you do.
Thanks so much for sharing your post, Sarah! And that black spot on the parlor wall still makes my heart pound!
Wow. I want to tattoo this post on my arm and read it daily as a reminder of what matters. Well done!
Beautifully expressed. You wrote the words of my heart. Thank you for sharing these sweet insights and encouragements.
Reading aloud to our kids seems to easy. Not complicated enough. Not cutting edge enough. And yet it works. It forges those unbreakable bonds with our kids, teaches them about life and overcoming and hardships better than our preaching and teaching do. They learn compassion and how to act and not act and get to embark on wonderful adventures. It provides casual conversation fodder in a non preaching environment. And they associate great memories to us for reading aloud to them. I have one that has flown the nest and one barely a teen and over and over I have seen how reading to my children shaped their lives and attitudes and choices and created a family bond. I see it from my childhood and how dad reading aloud to us kids bonded us as a family in ways nothing else did. Reading and stories are powerful. Raising children has no guarantees, but reading aloud ups the odds. And don’t stop reading aloud to them. Read aloud to them until they leave the house. I haven’t met anyone who doesn’t enjoy hearing a good story read aloud to them.
Thank you Sarah for the lovely reminder this morning for me to relish today with my 4 children (even when I have to get the toddler down off of the table one more time and clean up just one more spill) and enjoy all the reading aloud we will be doing!!! We are building cathedrals here! ;)
Good thoughts! And healthy realizations!
Great post!
I was actually just struggling with these thoughts the other day. Honestly, it is my biggest fear that I will look back and have regrets and wonder why it was so hard to put the laundry basket and phone down so I can sit and enjoy them more. Life demands so much of me, and I’m getting better at letting that go to embrace the right now moments. Thank you so confirming the Holy Spirit leading my heart on this❤️
Kristi
Thank you for sharing your heart. Peace keep you as you walk this path, Kristi!
Well spoken!!! I share that same fear! God have mercy on our families and grace us with His presence as we guide this sweet heritage that ultimately belongs to Him. Honored He lends these wee ones to us. Humbled He trusts us with them. Sobered that it is a one time chance.
–Amy